My W undresses in front of me too. I think it is part of their delusion that what they are doing does not have any affect on the R. It all has to be someone elses fault, so they don't need to do anything different.
Betsey, I gotta ask: The hunchback of Notre Dame? with boobs? in a THONG?
Disney must have edited that scene out of their version of the movie
Now, now, you guys are certainly having too much fun with this thong talk. I'm going to have to assume the role of Sister Mary Margaret and tell you all that the thought path you are on leads only to sin....
2Tim: Well, it was late and I had to think of some unappealing twist for a female persona just so Eddy didn't think I look like Ms. January... I don't! But I don't look like the Hunchback with boobs either.
Thanks for the laughs today!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm on a boring conference call, so I thought I'd come on.
The next major area where I need help is keeping my trap shut when it comes to folks in my community. This morning, I was having a conversation with a local official. He is aware of rumblings at home from a few months ago, but when he asked how things were going, I just blurted out that they were getting worse, W hired an attorney, and was pursuing a D. Now he and others have seen W out at night galavanting around without her wedding ring and W has confided in some friends on what she is up to. But my blabbering is sure to spread the news like wildfire. Now I feel that I goofed. Talking to those who know both me and W is like pressuring. But at the same time, does it really matter? Folks are already talking and this just confirms suspicions that have gotten back to me. I'll take a 2 X 4, but some words of encouragement on not worrying would be helpful too. Thanks.
hmm same sitch - W insists on walking around 1/2 naked (or less) "accidentally". Btw she's lost 15# and looking pretty good too. I did tell her that this morning.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
Oh ((((((Merrick))))))))))) sorry you're feeling low today. I'm not so sure I have advise for you as I do a reminder of detachment. IMHO if you were detached enough, you wouldn't be feeling so low about this. I have found that now that I have detached from it, I haven't given those nasty demons a chance to sneak back into my mind. I've just come to a peaceful place that WAS doesn't know what he is doing right now and it doesn't really apply to me. WAS actions are a reflection of them and not us.
Like I said before, pray for strength and try to focus on what you anticipate for your future. This may give you comfort in times like this.
Keep your chin up. Tootles............. ((((((())))))))
No 2x4 from me. The barn door is open and the animals are fleeing. The only control you have at this point is to make sure that all your comments from here on out re your W are fair and positive.
I hope you're not spending a whole lot of time dwelling on this now. After all, she isn't exactly innocent here. Is she?
KOFTGF (stealing your words today)!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks Karen. I'm not low; just mad at myself because it's not good DBing and is purely mischievous.
Well, in other news, I got a letter from W's atty asking for the name of my atty so they can negotiate an agreement of separation. It includes standard boilerplate that the interests of our children are paramounnt and W wants us to maintain an R for them. It asks for my atty to call by April 8 or else she'll have to consult with W about litigation for D or Sep.
I expected this much, and after speaking with a few attorneys at work, I already decided I did not need to retain one (spend $$) yet. My longstanding message to W has been to give me a proposal and I'd look at it, not that I'd negotiate one from the outset. The point of this exercise is to make W take ownewrship of the financial/custody implications and consequences of her ideal world. Again, this is her choice, not mine.
Consequently, I sent a reply by certified mail/return receipt to W's atty stating that for the time being, I was representing myself and would call her prior to April 8 as requested in her letter.
The STRONG advice from my atty friends is that to the extent I handle my own action, I must act professionally as if I were representing my own client. That means logic over emotion. I'll probably give W's atty a call by the end of next week stating simply that it is not my my desire to D or S, maintain the M. However, in light of W's determination to explore a D, I requested an initial proposal, not a negotiation. Pretty much nothing more; nothing less.
Keeps us posted. Wish I had some wise words for you. You cannot beat yourself up over things said and done, this is how we got here. Past is past and we need to strive for a better, consistent future.
Being neutral and businesslike, while difficult, is probably the best approach and will likely aggravate W even more. But you need to do what you feel best.
Your plan to not negotiate with Ws lawyer sounds good to me. It seems too easy for W to detach from the damage she is about to cause by having her attorney handle it for her. I'm amazed that our legal process can be so detached that the people involved in a sitch can hire third parties to solve their problems for them, having her lawyer talk to your lawyer.
The damage D does is real, and eventually your W will find that out. I'd say the more her lawyer talks with W about the D or S, the more ownership W will have to take, and hopefully the sooner she will begin to see the damage she is about to cause.
My W set up several appointments with a Lawyer to discuss D or S. I told her I would not go, and didn't. She went and never followed up. Force the ownership onto W, and KOFTGF. I wouldn't approach negoations with W's L at all - but you're the lawyer.....
About your blabber mouth I've struggled with what to tell folks about our sitch, but these are people that don't even know anything is wrong. I decided two things: 1) I am going to be honest with myself and others, and tell them my relationship with W is bad. No details, just "not good." or "really not good." 2) I am going follow that up with a request they please pray for W and me. (As faithful and spiritual as I've been on the BB, I do not represent Christ that consistently in person, and have been strongly convicted I need to do a better job at that.)
You are in a sitch where people are coming to you for the truth. They already know something is up, and want the straight scoop. If it ever gets back to W, as long as your "defense" can be, "I didn't tell them anything they didn't already know, I just confirmed it was true", I think whatever you tell anyone is up to your estimation of their interest in you. Besides, if you only confirm their beliefs, I don't think they are going to run back to W and tell her.
I don't think you're running around blabbing to every local figure you meet. You were just asked and the lid blew off the pressure cooker when they cracked it a little to look inside.
Hi Merrick, I have a pet answer when people ask me how my husband and I doing.I tell them that I have decided to not talk except to my husband for now.I do this in a voice that is kind but firm.
I don't think you did any damage with what you told them.Of course I would also use these times when people ask you how you and your wife are doing to say wonderful things about her.That way when they get back to her it is a nice thing.And she won't be able to get mad.Of course that won't stop her.But in her heart she will remember.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
