Do I walk away from WAW? (3)

[1foot2]

Not much to report but wanted to update. Busy week.

A friend offered me a ticket to a basketball game Tuesday night so I went with him and ended up having a blast. First NBA game since I was a kid. This was a sortof 180, as I typically turn down just about any offers to do things like this, as Ive always had guilt about taking more nights out of the house (I work 1 night a week, and usually DJ once or twice a week). I guessing turning down these kinds of social things is a sortof covert contract im trying to break. I always think of how my W will react when I say im taking a night out, and decide not to do it. She has no idea I've passed on a chance to do something and I end up feeling some resentment. So I went. And it was great!

We got a letter from the city yesterday informing us the registration on our car has been suspended for the unpaid parking ticket(s). W pitched a little fit when I showed it to her - not at me, but "at the city", as if it was unfair somehow for them to suspend over a 2.5 month old ticket. I said nothing. Dont really know what to say in this situation that wouldnt come out super snippy or mean. She said she would pay after this weekend when she gets paid. She also owes me half of some bills I paid last week, I will probably have to remind her of this, and Im hoping she doesnt just flake.

I need to gather some strength and schedule a meeting with her to discuss money issues. I have seen her probably 45 minutes total in the last two weeks, and it feels unfair to just spring it on her in passing. I dont have enough faith in myself to feel like I can handle this conversation without caving, or getting drawn into an argument/fight.

She was heavily made up and dressed up to leave when I got home last night, clearly headed on a date. This still just leaves me a total wreck, took me about an hour to recover, which I did by spending an extra long time putting my boys to bed.

Still on an emotional yo-yo. Sometimes I just feel anger and annoyance with her, and thinking of a life without her feels freeing and positive. Then I miss her terribly. Then I see her dressed up and think of her going on a date, going to a movie we would see, and I just feel pain and confusion. Then I think of how she is "gaming" this whole situation and I feel taken advantage of. I need space and a break from this, but the only way to do that is to file.