Raliced - Climbing Without a Rope

[Shakspr]

It happened right around the same time period where these three things became simultaneously true in my mind (all had moments of truth, then wavering - yet they all became true in my mind simultaneously about a week before I was divorced. But check out my dates; not that long.)

1) My wife thought of us as divorced off and on since late 2013 (big fight, culmination of past problems). I needed to get on board with that idea...while hoping and working toward a new reality
2) I remembered who I was - who I am - and who I can be. A strong, funny, capable man with a ton of things going for me. With God, there is absolutely nothing I can't handle.
3) Her willingness to engage in an EA/ possible PA was discovered - and dealt with. I did NOT need her after that. Because I now knew she was not the person I married, not the person with whom I had built a home, not the mother she espoused herself to be. She was a new/old creature, repeating mistakes of her past in a new way. And she didn't see these actions as mistakes. And, most importantly, I HAD to change. No matter what the outcome. I must have the greenest grass, and be a man.

You will know that you are nearing this point when you are planning GAL stuff and consciously acting out your 180s because you WANT to, not because you know you have to!

I long for the marriage that was, and remain hopeful for the marriage that might yet be. But the flawed, tit-for-tat, resentful, disconnected marriage that she left is absolutely dead, never to return.