Just journaling.....Been having a hard time the past few days after hearing W 'kissed' OM and someone else prior to BD. Makes me question what else happened during our 15 yr marriage that she kept hidden. Feels like a big fraud to me right now. She refuses to give me answers because she doesn't think it will benefit either of us, yet tells me what I think happened, didn't happen- then just tell me the truth! To me, starting a R with someone while we were S is totally different than 'something' happening prior to BD. Maybe it's really not. She's always been outgoing and flirty, just makes me question a lot.
I know it shouldn't even matter at this point what happened, with whom, how many times...but I can't stop thinking about it. To think she never planned on telling me. Who else knew and helped keep her secret? I'm done pressing her on it. If she's not willing to share, I have to assume the worst.
On an unrelated note, we've been 'disagreeing' on Thanksgiving plans. W made plans with her mom to drive 14 hrs away with the kids for the week without consulting me. Asks why I'm giving her such a hard time about it. Um, I'd like to see my kids during the holidays too! Once again, her selfishness dictates her actions.
GAL- went out with 2 girl friends from work last night. I had the perfect opportunity to 'practice', but couldn't do it. Too soon I guess. A cute blonde and I were making extended eye contact throughout the night. I should have just gone over and talked to her (regretted it as soon as I left), but until things are finalized with W and I, it just feels strange. Feel like I come to the plate with all kinds of baggage.
