I don't want to start a brouhaha on your thread... and it will be good to get Laurie's feedback on this.
But I see a few things here. At the risk of being very unpopular with my thoughts, I'll proceed with caution.
Your W has now resorted to unfair tactics to get you to do what she wants. The more I read what she does, the more I think that someone is going to have to let the air out of the balloon so that you have something to work with.
I know that NY is not a no-fault state and leaving without a SA is the kiss of death. So if you were to agree with her by doing that, I would make sure that your ducks are lined up legally.
IMHO, her tirades are getting worse and she's badmouthing you behind your back. I imagine that she's not feeling the slightest bit guilty about dragging your name through the mud in front of your children. Even if it's a really diluted version, it's still not good for you OR the kids.
Maybe if you DO give her what she wants and use this as an opportunity to hit a reset button, you will have something to work on with her.
You have 3 children, which means that you will have lots of opportunities to DB with her. Just because you're separated doesn't mean that you don't interact. In fact, Mr. W. has commented on this very issue--one that Michele addresses a couple times in each of her books: Separating your M does not mean that you won't have as much (if not more) interaction with your S.
Right before we moved out, we had horrible rows. They would always end up with me crying and him yelling at me, saying he didn't care how I felt--it was important for HIM to not live in pain anymore.
There was nothing I could say or do to stop that train wreck. And the day he left, I was convinced that our M was really and truly over.
Look at how far we've been able to recover since then. And we've done it by living apart. It doesn't have to sign the death knell.
Sometimes getting what we want and jamming our will into His process is our wake up call. Is it possible that your W might find that getting what she wants isn't what she thought it would be with some distance and loving detachment from you? She just might discover how she truly feels if she's not so hell bent on getting her way?
I have more than a few friends off the BB who have separated in heat and reunited. I've spoken about my surrogate parents here... N kicked her H out of the house and they were able to reconcile later on down the road. She hurt so badly and got herself into IC to heal her own wounds, and found that her faith was tested... and her H was in C too. And always wanting to reconcile with her.
They just celebrated their 47th anniversary over the holidays.
Whatever path you choose, I think you'll be able to continue to work on things with your family. Never give up, but maybe give in sometimes????
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
