Ugh. H just left after dropping D off after going out to his moms birthday dinner.
Here was our brief conversation about Thanksgiving:
H: so what do you think about having family-X over for thanksgiving? Me: No. H: ok, I guess thats an answer. Me: I though we could have our dinner and then after start making Christmas cookies, if you're up for that. H: sounds good... What can I do? Have you reserved a turkey yet? Me: not yet. If you want to do that, that'd be great. We don't need a big one. H: yeah. No problem Me: great! Thank you. H: you know I'm really glad we can do this and have Thanksgiving together and I think it'll be good for D over the years. Me: (thinking, "over the years??!") oh, I think this is temporary. H: what do you mean? Me: I don't know that I intend to have thanksgiving just the three of us forever. H: oh. Ok.
I don't regret saying it, I regret how I said it and let's be honest, I was reactive. Mi wanted to set him straight.
He doesn't get the happy family experience without the responsibility and the commitment. At least not with me.
And his audacity to think I'll cook him Thanksgiving dinner every year. Ugh, I could have tossed my like warm tea at him.
Am I wrong here?
I mean, I'm supposed to wait to decorate the Christmas tree so that he can be part of it. Am I supposed to do that once we're divorced? I think he thinks that's our "arrangement". Is he living in denial or am I being a b!tch?
Please help me look at this from a realistic point of view.
I do not want to be his bestie. I want to make that clear. He seems to be under the strange illusion that he can walk away but have all the perks of marriage (except sex of course, at least with me). The only thing different about our life now than pre-bd is that he sleeps somewhere else and is more accountable to D.
Part of me wants him to be uncomfortable, to not like being away from this family as a whole. Then another part of me says it's not my job to teach him lessons. Then I think that I'm done bending over backwards for him and doing what he wants even though it makes me uncomfortable or not at all what I want.
