I really feel for you. Honestly, we have all been there, and that is not to trivialise it, just to say we understand.
You have done what you can to protect yourself financially, but surely you are entitled to support from your husband? Do get this in place, as it may be easier before you leave the US. I wish I had acted sooner to protect myself financially.
The other two things - I had therapy, and I took anti-depressants for about 3 months, because I could not get my (now) xh out of my head. I am not a big fan of these, but they really really helped me over a rough patch.
It does get better, but it is a very long haul for most of us. We invested our lives in our marriage, only to discover that this other person was living a parallel existence.
Everything your husband is saying is script - although mine never wanted us to remain friends, many years on, says that he did want us to be friends!
Truly I do not think friendship is possible with a MLCer. There is no kindness and no empathy, no concern for anyone but themselves. Although we miss what we had, these can be toxic people.
It is very very sad. Eventually you will be fine, and from what I have seen here, these MLCers are not. Many years on my xh is still not happy, but the trail of devastation is a mile wide!
As for the OW - we tend to obsess about them, but generally they act like trailer trash. That is not to be dismissive of them as people, but the choices they make in life tend to be destructive, and self serving. But for a while at least your husband will not see the cracks.
