Thank you so very much Rick Sandi and Rppfl. I sincerely appreciate your feedback, and thank you for lending your support and knowledge
. I think you all hit on something, and your words have given me much to think about. Too much, as it will take some time to fully digest what you all said. Not because what you wrote is incomprehensible, but because - added together - its a bit profound. And thank you for the reading tip, Rppfl, I'll look for it.
I did finally get the first book in the mail today (I'll be starting it as soon as I close my laptop). But if there's one ting I have learned so far is that i have far too many expectations and assumptions (and, maybe, a bit of wishful thinking). I'm looking too hard for logic in the irrational. I need to stop that. I need to work ON me before anything else and stop focusing on what I feel is being done TO me. Detach. It's harder than I'd like to admit.
And, Sandi, i don't think you're being to hard on us LBS' at all. At least not to me. Your candor is welcome and necessary for me. More so the last few paragraphs you wrote. I hadn't really thought about what would happen if my wife and i found ourselves back together. I mean I thought about it, of course, but not to the depth I would need to envision what the reality might be like.
I have no doubt that I would carry at least a portion of my current hurt with me to some extent. It makes me wonder if that would be even worse than us staying apart. But, upon very careful reflection, I'm as sure as a guy can be that I would be able to forgive and move forward. Because the family unit is the most important thing to me. Our reconciliation, should it happen, is far bigger than just my alleviation of pain.
The bigger question to me is, at the end of it all, will she be someone I would want to love? The person she is right now is not, by any means, someone I should even glance at much less someone I would give my heart to. But I need to find out for sure who she is - or who she will be - before I make that determination. I guess, in the end, I am just looking for the opportunity to see if it will be worth it. The big picture (past + present + future) says it will. The present, by itself, equals nothing but misery.
Thank you again, folks. I can't begin to let you know how much I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and knowledge with me, a complete stranger. Your courtesy warms me.
