This is my problem: I have tried very, very hard to let her be. But she pursues me. Once I stopped pursuing last October, she has pursued me unrelentingly as to when I intend to leave and what my plans are to take away the children (Eventually, I took the bait and a fight ensued, especially when she was galavanting with OM). She has especially sought to learn my feelings, but when I tell her--thinking I'm opening up--she pounces on them and tells me that I'm wrong and its because of x, y, z. If I detach and try to refuse talking about our sitch and tell her to show me how a sep or D will work on paper, she'll say I'm just ignoring the problem and just shutting her out. If I do engage, she disputes much of what I say and tries to turn it into a fight. Even last night, she starts to say I was never affectionate in our M--which is simply untrue. If anything, I was overaffectionate and had to learn to back off.
Right now, I am really the most detached I have ever been and could easily leave if it were just her and me, but I also have an R with my kids--and a good one. At the same time, I don't know that I can have a down-to-earth heart-to-heart discussion with her without crying myself. I don't know that it's human to be unable to cry.
The two things I have not tried short of moving out are 1) putting the squeeze on her financially--which seems pretty vindictive to me; and 2) mirroring her antics back onto her, such as acting out on and asking why she is doing this to me, accusing her of destroying me and putting a wedge between me and the kids, and just generally doing everything she has done to me.
I know in my heart that I am willing to do virtually anything to make this M work, but I also want to do what is best for my kids--and I'm still not convinced that S is it.
