Wow. It sure sounds like MLC to me. Pretty typical.
I don't have much to offer you except that it DOES get better. You said that it doesn't, but it does. It just takes A LOT of TIME.
Your husband's MLC will destroy you IF YOU LET IT. That is why it is so important to work on you and detach. You'll get sick of hearing detach before this is all said and done, but you must do it. It is the only way.
Anyways, welcome to the boards. There are many here who have stood in your shoes. I'm sure Cadet will be around shortly to give you some great reading material. Make sure you read it. Read it TWICE. It's very valuable stuff.
Tad
Currently: M 57 XW 58 Sons 39,34,32,30
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13