Hi everyone. Time for a new thread, Been off the boards last couple days. Trying to get my life going in the right direction, make some money, take care of D14. Talked to my lawyer and it seems that my W's lawyer now wants to go to mediation! This is what I wanted to do from the start but W went ahead and hired her own lawyer with her daddy's money forcing me to hire my own and causing us both to spend money we just didn't have. Now, when it looks like she may lose trying to make me lose the house, she wants to fire our lawyers, spend more money on a mediator and it just so happens HER lawyer is a mediator! My lawyer told them that that was a bad idea and that we should meet and try to hash out an agreement before doing something like that. I swear, why they just won't listen to us, how they have to do things the way they want, how anything we say is seen as just some way to stop them from getting what they want is so annoying!
I told my lawyer that I have to concentrate on getting a new job and making some money for now so this week wouldn't work. This gives me some time. I have D14 this week and she needed to stay at her mom's one night because she had to be in school early. The night before she called and said she left her make up at my house and needed me to bring it. Knowing how important make up is to 14 year olds, I got up really early to take it to her and take her to school since it was freezing and her mom wouldn't drive her. So, I get there early and I see W. She had no idea I was coming and was surprised to see me. She asked about my job search and I told her I can't find a job south (when I questioned her moving so far south she insisted that I would "easily" find a job south), I told her that I got no response from 43 different resumes but when I had to try north as I can't live without money, I got 5 interviews from just 10 resumes sent! I told her that I think I will be offered a job and where. She understands that it will add 120 miles a day on weeks I have my D14 and I told her that I have no choice as I need money to live. That I would find a way to make it work. Then she just went to work. Amazing how she doesn't seem to care at all about how she has disrupted all our lives.
Later that day my D19 calls me very upset. She asks if I saw what my W had posted on Facebook earlier that day. I told her I hadn't. Seems that she and her mom still aren't getting along. D19 says my W won't stop pushing her to come live with her and also refuses to help her at all with even small expenses she needs to help her go back to school. My D19 has been working so hard, last week she worked 65 hours! She is saving money for school and so she can get a car so she can come back and live with me if she wants while going to school. W keeps telling her what to do and how "wrong" everything she is doing is and unless D19 does what W wants, W refuses to help her at all with money or anything else. W didn't even care that D19 was going to be stuck all alone on Thanks Giving! Well, my W posted this saying on Facebook that basically said that she was tired of living her life to make other people happy and that anyone who asked that of her didn't belong in her life at all. Of course, no one ever asked her to live her life to make them happy, it's the whole reason SHE said that she left was I wasn't able to make her happy! For the last 3 years me and the kids tried so hard to find a way to get their mom to be happy. We all tried so hard to include her, do things SHE wanted to do, treat her the way she wanted to be treated and she thinks she was EVER asked to make any of us happy? What a hypocritical thing to post on Facebook! D19 was almost in tears saying that I guess that includes her own kids since it was clear that her mom didn't want her in her life unless she did what her mom wanted. I feel so bad for D19 but there's nothing I can do about her relationship with her mother. It seems that my W has decided to treat her D19 the way her father treated her. The way that made her so upset and sad because her father refused to allow her in his life unless she did what HE wanted her to. I saw how it hurt her and now she thinks treating her own D the same way is the right thing to do? I get they are in "crisis" and hurting and all but how in the world can they believe the crap that they do and post that like they are such "victims" is beyond me. And poor D19 feels just like her mother did when her father refused to be part of her life. All her life my W would say how she would never treat her kids that way. Now it's how she decides to treat her own D?
Speaking with my D14 this week she has been telling me how she hardly ever see's her mom when she's there. Usually all the talking they do is when her mom gets home she says hello and goes to bed. D14 says she has become used to being alone, having the house to herself. It now feels "weird" when she's home and so is her mother. All I can do is continue to be there for both of them. I'm making plans on going to D19's for TG and taking D14 with me since her mother won't say what plans she has and if she expects D14 to be with her or what. Sad that W seems to not care much about her relationship with either of them but again, it's not my place to do or say anything. That's between their mother and them. I don't ever say anything bad about about my W to them or in front of them (or ever really). But I won't defend her actions either.
I had hoped that my W was calming down a bit. I guess I was wrong. I will say that the longer this selfish attitude continues, the less respect I have for my W. OK, she feels she needs to do the things she's been doing because she's in crisis but how can someone not be able to see how they are hurting their own kids or, if they can see it, not care? There will come a point when she pushes her D's away. How do you live with yourself when you do something like that? It's more important than ever that I get my chit together and get my life moving in the right direction. My D's need me and I'll be darned if I allow myself to not be in the position to help them when they do!
