S, I had my mother's voice and my xh's voice in my head for a long time. A lifetime really. I kept hearing and feeling the way I allowed them to make me feel. Unworthy, incapable, not enough.
I figured if two of the most important people in my life thought that, well, then, it must be true. Until I realized why they did that. It was how they felt about themselves for many reasons. They were just projecting that onto me.
I realized they were wrong. I was enough. I was worthy and capable. I knew that because I became the person I was meant to be. Dont get me wrong, though, I was a good person before. But it wasnt until I walked this journey that I believed it.
The stronger you get, the more you embrace the good things about you, the smaller her voice will get. And the truth is, that you have the power to silence it whenever you want, right?
Originally Posted By: Ss06
If that's what I did, isn't that just a little sick? Am I THAT dysfunctional? Oy vey.
Careful there, S. ^^^. You didn’t do it knowingly if that's what you did. You reacted out of hurt feelings. You are feeling betrayed by your h and your BFF. Maybe that crossed over, maybe it didnt. It's good to look at it, but, dont go feeling like there is something wrong with you.
The thing about allowing feelings to grab hold of you is that they are fleeting. They also dont hold any power unless you give that to them.
It takes practice to not react immediately. It really does. It is a mindset of sorts. Feelings are just part of us, and they’re not good or bad. They’re information and energy. What we do with that information and energy could be good or bad.Each feeling has a message – a message from one part of you to another part of you.
While there are many ways of responding to each situation, most of us tend to use one reaction over and over. We know it’s not the best solution, but it seems to happen automatically.But behavior is not automatic, it’s something we’ve learned by practicing.
Instead of being proactive and making choices for our happiness, we react to things that happen in our lives, and fight or flee kicks in to minimize our pain.
It’s not always easy to understand a feeling when it happens, especially if you think you shouldn’t feel it, but forget about should. Instead, try to pinpoint exactly what you feel—scared, frustrated, worried, ashamed, agitated, angry—and then pinpoint what might be the cause…then reserve all judgment.
Once you know what you feel, you can then challenge both the cause and the effect.You can ask yourself whether or not you’re overreacting to the event or worrying to find a sense of control. And then you can accept that there is an alternative—you can choose to interpret the situation a different way, soothe yourself, and then feel something different. No one else causes our feelings. Only we can choose and change them.
Pain is part of life, and we can’t avoid it by resisting it. We can only minimize it by accepting it and dealing with it well.
That means feeling the pain and knowing it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. It means sitting in the discomfort and waiting before acting. There will come a time when you feel healed and empowered.
Our power comes from realizing we don’t need to act on pain; and if we need to diffuse it, we can channel it into something healthy and productive, like writing, painting, or doing something physical.
