Nitty in a Nutshell #2

[Nitty]

Jefe & Atsbaby, I didn't think of that. Not sure if it's true, but I'll take it as a positive. The question is: when will the picture go back up on the wall. If I say so myself, it's a nice one of me. He took it and I look pretty good in it.

In the last week we've continued to work at reconciling. We meet for dinner dates, sometimes I spend the night at his place, our old bungalow. It's hard sleeping in that bed but it's getting easier.

The Good... No... The Incredibly Fantastic:

When we talk about the difficulties he is having at work that he believes are a result of his PA with OW, he no longer blames me. He takes full responsibility. Without anybody prompting him, either... it's straight from him.

I spent approximately nine months dodging convo bullets and Gritty spew about how I was the cause of all his troubles resulting from his PA, so this is HUGE.

The Weird...

The reason OW blocked me on FB may be because of what she's telling her BFF, who runs to H and tells H: that I am poisoning all the company spouses against her and she will get axed.

Nitty is not talking. And hello! A PA with H is not a "fire OW's a$$" crime. Otherwise she'd been fired long ago for all her other indiscretions with others. And so would Mr. Gritty, perhaps H would be more likely to be axed because he has the senior position. Whatever.

The Stuff That Is Not Just Weird But Also A Little Bit Psycho

OW and OW's BFF came to my town and had a very close encounter with me without me realizing it. We're talking EXTREMELY CLOSE. I know this because a friend of mine casually dropped this info into a random conversation.

And then BFF ran to H, told him she and OW saw Nitty in Nitty's neighborhood! And hid from Nitty! But both were sure Nitty saw them. BFF wanted to know: was Nitty upset?

H said exactly the right thing: that OW is never a topic of conversation between him and Nitty. Even though that's not true, LOL. But I am so very glad he told her that. Even better, H is telling me whenever there is any contact regarding OW. Transparency! Without asking for it!

But why did she come so close to me? That is very upsetting. Was it random or on purpose?

And finally, the Incredibly Awkward...

Company gatherings are coming up and I am going with my H, something I would not have believed if you told me in the last year.

BUT!

OW will be there. I need to have a picture of how I will behave. I will follow this guide. The hard part I am having is "make the effort to maintain a pleasant and open air and to engage other people in conversation -- including, or at least not pointedly excluding, the O.W. in your geniality".

Not sure I can do that without turning bright red and stammering.

Back to the Basics

H and I have nice convos, good MC sessions, and yet I'm still edgy, looking for evidence that H is gonna sprint back into that MLC tunnel.

Every day I tell myself to be open to all possibilities, stay in the moment, don't obsess about the past or the future, to trust in God and in myself, for I am a child of God.

And then I obsess. Like, why is H still friends with BFF? Or when he seems a little agitated, I feel my heart start to pound a little bit, before I calm myself down and remind myself that I am in charge of this R, and I will not settle for less than the good relationship I deserve.

I think it's going to take me some time to get through this. The good news is: WE HAVE A CHANCE. Whether or not it works out, I don't know, but we at least are giving our M a fighting chance and I am so grateful.