What does "letting go" but still "standing" for your M look like? Are those things incompatible? Does letting go mean I have to separate myself financially from him, too? Can I realistically let go while still sharing a bank account? An official address? A credit card? If not, how do I broach those things? Like I said, he'll be relieved and that will be it. I really truly believe that. It's a risky experiment to try...but I think I am close to ready for this to just be over. He doesn't want to be M to me. Fine. I will live.
Claire- I'm just going to speak to what this looks like for me, I'm not sure if there's a right or wrong answer.
Letting Go -To me, I have let go of thinking that any of my actions (including 180s, GAL, PMA) are going to have any effect on STBX, at least in regards to returning to the marriage. I have accepted that the old marriage is cooked. He is on a journey that I do not understand, but that I know will have many twists and turns. I am still doing all the recommended DB techniques, but I truly get they are for me and for my kids right now. I'm not fighting him on the divorce - although I am protecting myself and not "helping" him either. your H might very well be relieved, I'm sure mine was - but there is nothing to say this will be a permanent state of affairs.
Still Standing For the Marriage- All that being said - I still think the best possible outcome is to somehow come together as a family again. I'm not entering into any other romantic relationships (I'm too vulnerable now anyway), I'm working on myself, I'm not scorching the earth and most importantly (to me anyway), I am doing my very best to forgive him so that if the opportunity arises, I will be in the appropriate frame of mind to meet him halfway. I should say that I am a long, long ways from that. It just takes a glance at my children and a quick thought about how their life has changed to make my blood boil - and I know I have to get past that. I hope I have the strength to do so.
