In my mind I wonder how can you have been with some one for so long and treat them like a stranger or adversary? How do YOU make the decision to move out and then act like the other person is some sort of 'bad guy'?
Who are you talking about? The girl you fell in love with and married, or the woman who has emotionally walked away from you and left the M? B/c they might as well be two different people. You have to stop thinking of her as being the girl you M. You'll go crazy before the holidays get here if you don't change how you to deal/think.
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How do you ruin a family financially and behave like it's the fault of the person left behind and get angry when they don't have the money to financially support your decision to leave?
B/c she has bought in to the fantasy. She believes the lie that all WAW's tell themselves.
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How do you even remotely have it in mind that the breaking up of a marriage will have no negative fall out on all parties involved and, when it does, you blame the other person for it?
Pretty much the same answer as above. When her mind is fogged, she can't see herself having those type of consequences. She won't let her brain go there. And if anyone tries to tell her, she'll just write them off her list and withdraw from them. That's how WAW's do. Anyone who doesn't support their new lifestyle, they're through with them. This includes parents, best friends, etc.
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How is it so hard to simply say 'hi' or 'bye'?
I have been accused of being too harsh when I say some of these things, and that I should be more delicate with the LBH. I am not being harsh with the LBH, but I'm being realistic about the WAW. So, I'm going to lay it out here and tell you. There are mainly two reasons that I know why the WAW finds it hard to say hi or bye. 1. The LBH has no idea the depth of her anger and feelings of revulsion toward him. Do you feel the need to be polite to someone you have these feelings toward? Well, she doesn't. 2. She will not do the least thing that might give you any ideas of her changing her mind. Smiling, waving, speaking or saying goodbye/goodnight, etc. all indicate things are okay.....and she is giving you a message loud and clear, "Things are not okay and will never be okay again!"
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Why do I still want to reconcile? I don;t have an answer for this last one either, I just know - with every fiber in my being - that I do.
Well you are the only one to answer that one. However, I have seen many LBH's who think they will just die if he doesn't get his W back, and he just can't let it go. Then.....she decides she wants to reconcile. As soon as she goes back to the M, his feelings change. He starts having problems with forgiveness. He begins having resentment. Whereas, nothing bothered him before.....he just wanted her back! So he gets what he wanted and then he discovers he doesn't want it any longer.
You see John, these guys didn't really work on themselves. They didn't follow the advice. Their goal was winning the WAW. They saw something as a challenge, something they couldn't have. They were willing do anything (so they thought) until they got what they wished for. Then they couldn't handle it b/c they had not applied the whole DBing. It's more than just saving the M from a D. It is about saving yourself, first. Then save the M.
Does that make sense? Sure you are heartbroken and hyper-focused on her right now. Sure the holidays will be rough, but who is going to help you the most? Who is going to become your best friend? Who is going to make you get out and do something, even when you don't want to? Who is going to take care of you? Who will never be able to leave you? I hope it is JohnJC. If so, then you will be able to grow in leaps & bounds during a time you never thought possible. You will become a winner, whether she ever comes back or not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
