Not Confused...Insane in the Membrane

[BRNR]

So, I am having a little bit of a down day...I guess simply put. My patience is running really thin with the stbx.

All the court orders in the world and he can't comply with any of them, meanwhile I feel like I am a hostage (not to him perse, but to our old life as finacially I can't change anything until we go through settlement). And he is in arrears for $13,000 and won't pay. While I am not surprised, I just wish I had that money to be able to take care of me and my boys....especially when he adds to my responsibilities physically by not getting our kids on his parenting schedule either (more money goes out the window that I don't have also).

We are going through the divorce stuff and all he wants to do is take, take, take...which is not being granted by the courts (thankfully!). But what he is suppose to give is very much needed.

But now I am struggling to make ends meet, and with no way out as he won't comply and the courts don't do anything to enforce anything.

I guess I am just feeling worn down and I know this is exactly what stbx wants.

On another note, I have had very fleeting moments of missing the old man he was..and I hate to say that I am saddened that he turned out to be such a deadbeat and low-life.

I guess I just needed to vent...I vaguely remember GolfMom going through some of this and wish she was still on here to give me some advice and/or support.

I guess I am having a moment...where I am struggling to remember that all my efforts have been the right thing to do and will lead me out of this "whole and clean." I guess just after two years and the bills surmounting and wanting an end this journey has just me wondering what I can do and where do I go from here?

I can't change my ex, but I can change me...I just don't know what I can do or am just so worn down that all I have done has gotten me NO where...

When does it get better, when does all this end? And two years later, sitting quietly and patiently hasn't given me answers I believe...if anything it has excaserbated the sitch to all new levels of low-down ruthless tactics by the ex and him thumbing his nose up at the courts. And let me not start on his attorney who will process all kinds of paperwork to get an order against me but not push her client to comply with his court orders. Sounds very idiotic to me.

Guess I am having a stressful day...thanks for reading if you have.

Sincerley - "Worn Out BRNR"

-Oh, and on another note I heard that a family friend had something really bad happen to her and I guess I can feel her hurt, pain, and fear her future struggles. This is probably wearing me down some too as her and her family are the best people I know and I can't believe what is happening!