S14 wants to change cell phone and spoke w/h about it. H called by 6pm yesterday and wants to stop by the house to talk about the cell phones, then asked if I was cooking and if he could have dinner with us. He came in and was acting as usual. Gave me a hug and a kiss, talked about work a little and I was not talking much, just finishing dinner. H was talking football with the kids then came and set up the table, also as usual with him as the big daddy. After dinner he sat on the cough talking to S14 about the phone, then he starting getting ready to leave. At this point I did talk to him about the phones and he asked me to call once I get out of work and we will all meet at the store to get all 5 phones, I am surprised he will get all of us on the bill. I also asked if he gave some thinking about the house and explain again that I want to keep the house and not move to any rental, that I do not want to disrupt my kids live more then what we have been doing for the past 4 months and he agreed, he won't make any problem about this. Great! Then he said he would be picking up the kids to school next morning and I said that I could do it since the roads are very icy and it is very cold. He said he wanted to do because next week he won't be helping me since he is traveling. I asked if he was going to Mexico for business and he said that no, that he was going on vacation, I asked where and he told he would rather not tell me details. I asked if he was going with someone and he said no, he will go and meet someone. H doesn't know that I know he is going to France where his brother lives. He said he does not want to talk much about because he does not know exactly what he is doing. I then said that if he is meeting someone is because he started all this while being with me and he insist that he does not have any R with another person at this point, that needs to do this to find out what is going on with him. I was very angry hearing all this but kept my cool to find out more and try to understand what he is doing. I told him I do not want surprises and want him to be honest with me and he said he will never do anything to disrespect me because he really cares about me and I am the only person he will love and treasure forever. Yeah right! Well, he is going in his adventure to spend a week vacation in France with God knows who and I was saving money to pay bills because we can't afford to be to extravagant right now. The book DB and DR are right, one in this situation needs to GAL and have a good look at yourself and stop letting the WAS to take advantage on you. I realized that it is time to have a good look in the mirror and really find who I am and who I want to be. I know it is hard to hear all this from a man that does not even want to put divorce papers, a college kid that took his clothes and a few belongs and think that he has his freedom and has the right to rock 4 peoples lives. It is not easy for now until this bloody divorce is done, but I will find myself again, a woman that has been sleeping inside me playing mommy and wife and I will be happy again, no matter what. I don't get why he wants to be so connect to me right now, I asked him time and space to regroup and he just don't stop calling, text and seeing me, any excuse and he is in the picture. Well, who knows what will happen, I am a person of faith and right now I will put my pain in God's hands and try to be happy with my kids and start a new journey in my life, the new me start today, one day at time and I will find peace inside me again. And if H comes back, well I will think about this then, right now he is the worst person in the world and I am hurt because of him. I will go dark, I need to be away from all his drama for awhile. Hope one day I get to share some thoughts with the folks around here that gives advices and encouragement. Hugs to all! Pink17
