Well it does kinda clear up some things doesn't it? And it's clear that the basis of MLC is an identity crisis! It's just about 20 + years down the road longer than it should be! Usually its during the pre teen and teen years we as individuals start to experiment with our identities I guess. So it's very traumatic for this MLC, because it hits just when life usually is very solidified and comfortable for adults. But Hell No! Lets have an identity crisis and wreak havoc in everyone's lives within a 500 mile radius instead!
And that's very true, we can't morph, gel, or click with these MLCers anymore. I never could quite morph with XH because he always had something new and to the extreme going on that I never was quite comfortable about. Hence his many addictions, which as we know are the basis of deep unmet needs.
You know guys this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, is letting this man go. It's been a while now that I've come to accept this all for what it is. Things finally solidified with me in that matter when he finally started to keep his distance. I don't know how on earth we can expect ourselves to heal when for one reason or another we still have to stand a little too close to the fire, mainly for the kids sake or through the flipping process of divorce.
After it's all said and done I do still see XH in person from time to time. When I see him in person and it's just he and I talking, it shakes me to the core. I have to admit I still love the good man I remember him to be. It shakes me up because I will still see glimpses of the good person I was married to. At the same time it breaks my heart because it's like talking to a ghost! It's like they wear masks. At times I feel he takes his mask off if only for a few moments and the real him is there, and then back up it goes!
I no longer have hope or even wish to be together with that man anymore. I've come too far and grown so much.
I do wish and hope for XH sake that he can grow, learn, and really develop a good relationship with himself as life goes on. I can honestly say if it wasn't for his MLC I never would've come this far! I'ts only when you're put between a rock and a hard place that you truly find out what you're made of!
