Trying to stay patient- part 7

[Train]

This, from sandi:

Here's the thing, Tarheel, even if she were to suddenly repent of her waywardness and beg for your forgiveness, you would (at first) think your prayers had been answered. You would take her back in a heartbeat. However, as soon as you realized you had won.....and she wanted you, do you know what you would do? You would start questioning your feelings for her. Your resentment would take over and you'd discover forgiving and putting it in the past was not so easily done. Then you would become the WAH, in heart anyway.

B/c Tarheel, all your focus has been on getting her back. You've done nothing else. You are needy, go back on your word, and you simply lust after the "win" of her. When she pulls away, it makes you want her even more. But it isn't some great love behind all of this. You want what you can't have! If you get it......then you won't want it.

I think ALL of us here should sit with this for a day or 10.

Honestly (and I'm just venting here, so nothing personal to you, Tar): I think sooOooO many of us have the "re-attracting game" down pat. Even if we don't actively practice what we're told to do, we KNOW what it takes to increase our chances of re-attracting our spouses.

I cannot tell you the number of times I've watched a LBS here suddenly rethink if s/he REALLY wants their WAS at the very moment the WAS starts to come crawling back. It's almost as textbook as "ILYBINILWY" meaning a spouse is cheating. And that smacks of this entire DBing thing being a cat-and-mouse game. Even when we don't realize it.

What I think a lot of people fail to consider is what comes after the "thrill of the chase." I mean, sure. We think: Could this work? Could I forgive? But we don't take a moment to ask ourselves if we're just trying to WIN ... or if we're really in this for THAT PARTICULAR PERSON.

I could go on and on and on about this subject. But I'll leave you with that thought ...

Still checking in on you often, Tar.