KGirl con't

[KGirl]

OK.. went to IC.. got my finger pricked for blood testing...got a flu shot...lots of "painful" things today. My big takeaway from IC is that I'm spending too much time, perhaps, ruminating about why this is and how H could do such a thing and wondering if I could have done anything else, which is preventing me from moving on to the next steps - true acceptance of reality, grieving, and moving forward. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like there's a whole lot of specific things I can do besides let time take its course (I want a checklist! or a manual! grr!). My IC did give me some handouts on radical acceptance to review. It was kind of funny, when I said I wanted instructions he said "well I can give you some handouts.. they are more directed at people who are severely emotionally disturbed.. so I don't want you to think that is you.." lovely! There are some key phrases/quotes to repeat to myself, including:
-I can only influence this moment
-The past has only the power I give it
-I won't let my life be shaped by someone else's actions
-This doesn't change or mean anything about me.

It also talks about how acceptance is NOT:
-agreeing with someone else's behavior
-that the pain I've experienced isn't real
-that I need to forget about the painthat was caused me

I did mention that I felt like I never really laid out to H how exactly all of this affected me and made me feel, since I've been trying so hard to DB which generally means friendly and polite. He suggested that maybe it's time for me to write an email or letter to H with how I feel, of course focusing on "I" statements and whatnot. I'm guessing that would not be recommended here, though.