All of you guys are amazing people among the best friends I've ever had!!! I really think I'd be a basket case without you.
I'll do some journaling on W's bitzkreig, which even continued through the eucahrist at church tonight. Some replies first.
Eddy, as always, thank you. When you say "be prepared" when I retreat, is there anything specific you have in mind, or is it just the caustic behavior. Or are you warning me about things like restraining orders as she gets desperate?
Briget-I wish I were as beautiful as you sound--inside and out. While I wouldn't say I'm a slouch, we 42 year-old 5'6 guys don't turn too many heads at bar unless we're flashing a lot of cash. I hear you loud and clear on vulnerabilities--but you have to trust that I really need an ego boost from a woman other than someone I work with or who is a family friend. If it is true that there are more Sally's out there than Harry's (and I'm not a Harry), I think that will help me more with my W.
Betsy--Thanks for the encouragement. As for the language, you made me think. I worked on Capitol Hill for 15 years and have been on the receiving end of similar but more acid laced "talks" from our former NY Senator. F*, MF*, MF*C*S*er are common words among NY politicos--so it's natural that my W has it in her.
Chrstine-Out of body is a good description. I'm glad I'm alone onthese types of attacks.
Back to journaling: I think what's happening now is that W realizes I will not lift a finger on seperation prior to her attorney meeting next week. She's ready to plunk the $5k and realizes it's all her--not me, so she needs the enemy. There's also a lot of paranoia about what will happen to the kids once the legal balls starts rolling. And as Eddy noted, she may be scared that the ball might roll on her.
W started up first thing this morning and asked how I was going to solve our problem. But first, we needed to talk about the day around our errands. When I said I could take the kids to the park while she did campaign work, she replied, "Why did you say 'take,' because you're planning to take them away from me, right?" I said I had no such plans. While she stopped the "F" word, she called me an idiot and almost and a-hole. I told her to stop the name calling--and she then moved into the sweet/kissy routine. She then finished with the I'm killing her routine and placed Matthew's blood libel on me saying, when she finally gives out, "the blood will be on my hands."
I then went to a reunion of my church retreat group, which has regular meetings in preparaiton for the next retreat. I kind of gave a glimpse into my private life--including among some folks who know my W. I felt bad about doing this, but the support and Faith of this group is overwhelming--and I learned that many carry their own demons as well.
When I got home, I received constant questioning on everything from W. When I offered to take D8 to a Bday party later in the afternoon, W responded, "Why, because I can't handle it? I can. You're always trying to undermine me." I said I was sorry for giving that impression and was simply trying to help if she had conflicts.
Later, even Church proved to be no sanctuary. We went to 5:30 mass and I forgot to bring our gift envelop. W gave me a $20 bill--which WAS our regular weekly contribution before our Monsignor made his last cash call plea. So I have been bumping it up to 30 0r 40 since December. When I added $10 more to the collection basket, we had this exchange, with W talking loud enough for others to hear.
W; You put in $30? M: Yeah. W: Why did you do that. M: I usually give $30, sometimes $40. I feel generous. W: Hrummph. Since when did you decide that we should give more money?
I sure hope she can get a camel through the eye of a needle.
Later, during the eucharist while kneeling, I had my eyes closed. I often pray with my eyes closed at Church--and it's usually asking God to give me the strength to make the right decisions and to protect my W and family. Nothing abnormal here.
But when W gets back from taking the eucharist, she says loudly and in a cynical tone. "What's with the closed eyes and all the drama. We don't need the drama"
So there you have it. W is babysitting for a neighbor now. For my neighbor's sake, I hope the evil spirit stayed at my house.
I have to say that this was one of my best DBing days ever. I confess that my stomach was in a knot a few times today, but there were other times where I felt as good as can be. If someone asked me how I felt, "I could offer a heartfelt terrific." Until next time.
Some replies first.
While I wouldn't say I'm a slouch, we 42 year-old 5'6 guys don't turn too many heads at bar unless we're flashing a lot of cash. I hear you loud and clear on vulnerabilities--but you have to trust that I really need an ego boost from a woman other than someone I work with or who is a family friend. If it is true that there are more Sally's out there than Harry's (and I'm not a Harry), I think that will help me more with my W. 
I confess that my stomach was in a knot a few times today, but there were other times where I felt as good as can be. If someone asked me how I felt, "I could offer a heartfelt terrific." Until next time.
