This is an example of what I've been talking about. Such a simple matter, such a small thing, becomes an angry moment for her.
I know there is no understanding this, but I wonder what it is that's in her mind that is causing her to be this way? Why would someone choose to be so angry without real cause?
From your first post: I had a habit of pushing my point too hard in arguments,
She is the kind of person who keeps things bottled up and does not communicate well (or at least not in a way I understand), and holds on to resentments.
John, these things all go together. Your W has not felt heard in your M. She's not good at expressing herself to start with, and you apparently didn't listen well. You pushed your own agenda in arguments and admit that you don't understand her. When a woman shoves emotions deep down inside her for too long, they tend to pop out an unexpected moments. Like when you question the shirt she put on your kid. There is a cause, you just aren't looking at the right thing.
The other thing to recognize here is that anger is often a mask for other emotions. Fear, sadness, rejection, lonliness. There very may well be a different emotion behind the anger, and it would take some work to dig it out.
I speak from experience on both these points. I just didn't walk away.
