Oh my..... I remember the day I got confirmation of who my XH was with. However the woman he finally made it official with, I had suspected something was going on between the two for some time! I even caught him at her house one day! Of course he denied it till the cows came home. As it turns out this OW and My now EX had been working on an emotional affair for many years.
I found out through my neighbor, who happened to find out through the postal carrier! She noticed some woman was getting her mail at my XH new apartment and mentioned it to my neighbor. Mind you I live in a small town, so news travels fast.
I confronted XH about it, and he admitted it. Of course this was after he filed for divorce.
I want you to know.... the people that new XH and I best, the people that worked with XH for years were just disgusted. His family was floored, with the exception of his two cousins who seemed to swing between supporting him and accepting it, to being realistic about what had been done to me and the girls.
And at one time, my ex husband was a happily married man in love with his wife and his children! As I look back at how things went from great to horrible, it all fell within the MLC pre requesites! Huge life changes, death in the family, near death experience with him, dissatisfaction with his job, job stress, then home life stress due to me working and no time for us.
However what has really helped me accept this all, is that all along it was clear that the coping skills for XH for all this change were not in tact! I've spent alot of time very angry at him for not being who I needed him to be or wanted him to be.
When I finally realized that he literally doesn't have the capability by either choice, or not being shown how to during formative years (step dad a cheater and abuser, main role model) I honestly can't be too angry.
Horribly hurt and disappointed because I swore he'd never do that, but he did. And it all started with the ILYBNILWY statements like everyone else!
