I wish I had more to report on the DB stuff. I'm still waiting for the USPS to get the books to me (I'm VERY eager to start reading them). But I barely see or talk to my wife (once a day, on average, and I spend that time with my son)and when I do, all I get is cold, angry nothingness from her. I have read a LOT of threads on here, and that seems to be a common theme for a WAS (Sandi2's replies in this thread have indicated that this is the status quo as well). This may be the thing I am having the hardest time with.
In my mind I wonder how can you have been with some one for so long and treat them like a stranger or adversary? How do YOU make the decision to move out and then act like the other person is some sort of 'bad guy'? How do you ruin a family financially and behave like it's the fault of the person left behind and get angry when they don't have the money to financially support your decision to leave? How do you even remotely have it in mind that the breaking up of a marriage will have no negative fall out on all parties involved and, when it does, you blame the other person for it? How is it so hard to simply say 'hi' or 'bye'? Why do I still want to reconcile? I don;t have an answer for this last one either, I just know - with every fiber in my being - that I do.
It hurts, of course, but it makes me angry and frustrated as well. More so because I can't point to a 'thing' and say, "Ah, yes, this is why." As I mentioned in my OP, I didn't have an affair, didn't hit her, had no addictions, didn't hide anything from her and so on. I'm not perfect by any means, but I just can't find that 'thing' that I can point to, that reason to explain why we are where we are. Every thing else that may have been wrong in our marriage was - at least in my eyes - all stuff that could have been worked out or had already been worked out. I just wish I had some answers. It's likely I will never get them.
As I was writing this, wife dropped my son off (she goes to work early, so I drop him off at school before I go to work). After she left, I noticed that his shirt was close but not his 'uniform' school shirt. I called her to let her know and to find out if there would be a problem with that, and immediately she got a nasty tone in her voice and let me know it was fine. This is an example of what I've been talking about. Such a simple matter, such a small thing, becomes an angry moment for her.
I know there is no understanding this, but I wonder what it is that's in her mind that is causing her to be this way? Why would someone choose to be so angry without real cause? It dashes my hope that we can ever get past this, moreso because there is apparently no reason for it.
I know I likely never will, but I wish I had some answers.
