"That requires kindness, compassion, and real self-reflection on my part over a long period of time to accomplish. It will not happen overnight."
I find it ironic and now sad, we had to make all the self discoveries because of something we never dreamed or intened to happen? We were complacent, comfortable and not engaged and it took a hell of wake up call for us to see this?!
You are right, it may not be enough and right now it looks like it is not, but time, patience and consistency is all we have.
Some brief journaling since I have a 6:30 flight in the morning and need some sleep.
W's out partying with the locals right now. We crossed paths briefly when I got home tonight. She was wearing her wedding ring lest "bad" rumors about us spread through town. I asked her how she was feeling after her workout this morning and she said she had to take aspirin, but offered no more. Then she bolted.
W left a mess in the kitchen and I was inclined to leave it for her in the morning, but my better angels got to me and I cleaned up. I also washed D8's hair tonight and rinsed it for two hours lest I get another lecture on proper child hair care. I worked out and then came to this board. PMA is still good and will not go down while I'm away. I'll check back in a couple of days. Until then, KOFTGF.
Quick journaling. Got back tonight and not much to report. W went out with Church friends, but went back to ditching her ring. Evidently, she must think these guys won't start rumors like her politico crowd.
Yesterday morning, when I arrived at my detination airport, I called the kids to say good morning. S9 said W wanted to talk. She gets on and says she having a bad day with our limbo and needs to know when I'm moving out. She says my staying is like a cancer on her body. I said, "You do what you have to do; I'm not talking about this now. Good-bye"
Last night, I touched base with good friend in my wedding party and we went to see the Passion of the Christ. Pretty amazing movie!!! As a converting Jew, I truly saw and felt both sides of the debate. Interestingly, the movie was followed by a two-hour panel discussion of local religious leaders. After this, We went for a late dinner in Georgetown. Just a good time with an old friend. Little other dialog with W yesterday and today. PMA is still high.
"Little other dialog with W yesterday and today. PMA is still high."
Boy, that is great. Still up and down around here. Good to told her you did not want to talk about it and said goodby. Standing your ground. Your stuff may be on the yard burned to ash, but hey.
Hang in. Little contact with W last 24 hours. She has talked to kids. Says she is coming by tomorrow evening for an hour to see the kids. "I know it's your birthday." And I said, "I would like that, if you came by." Tell her how I feel, but not dealing with R. Be consistent. All new for me.
I just have time for a quick post but I wanted to chime in on the "best friend" issue. It is great that you have identified your W's LL. This is the same for my H. I agree that your W might not be having a PA. I don't think my H was either. It's the emotional connection that is important to them. I would often ask the question to myself, "What is he getting from the OW and how can I be that and more to him?" You are right. It won't happen overnight. You need to keep demonstrating your unconditional love and friendship. You need to turn the tables so that the OM becomes you.
My totally subjective and biased opinion is not to S. You have more opportunities to Db and SHOW consistent change if you are in the same house.
Take care, Merrick and don't blow your cover.
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
I don't totally agree with Christine. Sometimes S is the best thing....especially since you have kids. You will be in contact with W a bunch dealing with kids stuff. Sometimes staying in the same house will just continue to create animosity...both you and W towards each other.
I know there is OM involved in your sitch...so everything you do wrong while living together with W gives her fuel....even if it's the way you eat pretzels. It doesn't matter she is just looking for ways to convince herself that she is making the right decision.
If you S you can show her and the kids unconditional love and also have that space that you both probably need.
Just my opinion....every sitch is different and there is no right or wrong answer. If it was easy none of us would be here.
I don't totally agree with Christine. Sometimes S is the best thing....especially since you have kids. You will be in contact with W a bunch dealing with kids stuff. Sometimes staying in the same house will just continue to create animosity...both you and W towards each other.
I know there is OM involved in your sitch...so everything you do wrong while living together with W gives her fuel....even if it's the way you eat pretzels. It doesn't matter she is just looking for ways to convince herself that she is making the right decision.
If you S you can show her and the kids unconditional love and also have that space that you both probably need.
Just my opinion....every sitch is different and there is no right or wrong answer. If it was easy none of us would be here.
I don't totally agree with Christine. Sometimes S is the best thing....especially since you have kids. You will be in contact with W a bunch dealing with kids stuff. Sometimes staying in the same house will just continue to create animosity...both you and W towards each other.
I know there is OM involved in your sitch...so everything you do wrong while living together with W gives her fuel....even if it's the way you eat pretzels. It doesn't matter she is just looking for ways to convince herself that she is making the right decision.
If you S you can show her and the kids unconditional love and also have that space that you both probably need.
Just my opinion....every sitch is different and there is no right or wrong answer. If it was easy none of us would be here.
