I had another dance lesson last night. I found my mind wandering last night while I was in bed, and I couldn't stop thinking about my instructor and how wonderful she is.
I need to be REALLY CAREFUL here. I do not want to get emotionally involved with someone I should not be getting involved in!
At this point, I'm considering quitting or finding another instructor or dance studio, but I already prepaid for 6 more lessons. Ugh!
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
As I've posted last month, my W has given the OM an ultimatum (to choose between his W and her) with a deadline of year's end.
Recently, the OM told my W that he does not forsee himself filing for D in the near future. But then suggested that in 3 to 5 years, perhaps his W may end up leaving him anyways. He asked, "will you wait for me"?
My W responded, "If we break up, that is the end. You can never come back to me."
So it appears that my W's ultimatum will be tested come new year's. We'll also find out if my W comes through on her declaration to file for D after the new year.
In the meantime, we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up. This means company holiday parties, family gatherings, etc. to consider. This will be very interesting indeed.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
I went out last night with a close friend. We had a great dinner at a Mexican place, followed by going to the movies. We saw Interstellar (which btw, I thought was great). The themes in the movie, as usual, hit home, as they centered around human relationships, love, meaning of life, etc.
My W was totally OK with me going out, and in fact, I've noticed that she NEVER makes a stink about me going out. Her response is always "sure", or "of course", or something to that effect.
This is also the 1st time in a long while that I sought her approval while asking. In the beginning, I think I had some resentment inside when I simply told her that I'm going out. Why? Because she's been doing the same thing to me. I figure if I want this dynamic to change, then I'm the one who needs to make the first move. So, I will give her the same courtesy as I 'hope' that she will give me in return. I will not assume that I can simply take off, leaving her by herself with the kids.
I texted her: "I plan on going out tonight. I should be back by 11:00. Is this OK with you, schedule-wise?"
She responded, "sure".
Later that night, she texted me that the kids are in the master bedroom watching a movie and hopefully they fall asleep soon, and that she will be sleeping in the basement. She asked when I'm coming home.
When I came home, I walked by her quietly as she was sleeping on the couch, walked into the kitchen to take my vitamins. She said "hi" in a very soft voice. It scared that crap out of me! I didn't say hi back. After I took my vitamins, I went back over to her, tucked the blanket up higher over her shoulder and kissed her on the head. It's the 1st time I kissed her (anywhere) in a very long time. I don't know if she noticed or not, and I'm not sure why I decided to. I was partly inspired by the movie I think.
This morning, I woke up early and made her a breakfast sandwich. She was kind of stunned when I told her I made her a sandwich for the road. She took it and said "thanks". But then noted that I should have turned the exhaust fan on while cooking the eggs because the whole house smells now.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
I went to my son's parent/teacher conference last night. My W didn't want to go. That was kind of disappointing. Her reasoning was that she didn't want to burden her parents by having them watch our kids for the 30 minutes we'd be out of the house in the evening.
Of course, this instantly led me to think, "Just last month, you had no problem burdening your parents for 24 hours so you could spend time with your affair partner."
Obviously I kept that to myself, but it was certainly a "SMH moment".
When I returned, she asked me how it went and I felt like it was an interrogation. I gave her a rundown of everything that was discussed. I was 'this' close to firing back at her. "If you're so damn concerned, then you should have went." crossed my mind.
The resentment is really building up. But...
On a happier note, she bought two more shirts for me (one was a sweater) and commented how I looked nice in them when I tried them on.
We leave for our cruise tomorrow. I still have to pack and sort out some things for the house.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
1. I came to the realization that I need to let conversations between my in-laws and wife happen naturally. Don't try to control the situation. Both my coach & I agreed.
2. It was very good that I caught myself getting enamored with my dance instructor. I don't want to complicate matters, and I would likely be setting myself up for more emotional pain. But by experiencing this, it also made me see that there is life after my W, if indeed we are destined to split up for good. It was good to know that I can still have these feelings, and that I'm not putting my entire stake in the hope that my W will return to this marriage. In a strange way, this was a step forward in detaching.
3. The upcoming trip (cruise) will present many opportunities for me to pursue. Tread lightly. Don't go overboard (no pun intended). Invite her for activities, etc., only with a care-free and casual attitude, and only for things that you would be doing, with or without her. (e.g. "Hey, it's a beautiful night. I'm going to go for a walk around the ship. Care to join me?")
4. I need to stay the course. No further changes in strategy at this time, until the affair is over.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
Just "caught" my W talking to the OM again. Went downstairs. She was speaking in Chinese and giggling and laughing. She was quite loud. Made me sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, I could not keep to myself and went into the room as if I didn't k.now what was going on.
I said, "What are you doing still up?" (we have an early flight the next morning and she made it a point to me and the kids that everyone needed a good night's sleep).
She briefly glanced at me and said "I'm talking", as if to shoo me away like one of her children. She quickly carried on her conversation as if I wasn't there. I said nothing back, and just closed the door.
Now I can't sleep.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
This is not what I needed the night before our "family vacation". She was visibly irate throughout the night. In fact, something was off about her since she came home in the afternoon. Everything just ticked her off, and she pointed out many things I "should have done" earlier.
"Did you pay the bills?" Not yet.
"Did you call the school regarding our son's fund raising?" No.
"Did you burn the exercise program DVD onto my iPad?" (she nagged me several times today about this one) Not yet.
"Why did you pay for shipping on your Banana Republic order" (should be free shipping)? *sigh*
"Why haven't you packed yet?" I will.
"Why are you packing your clothes like that? You should be rolling up your clothes to save space. That's not the first time I'm telling you this." OK.
"This is why I hate vacations. They're so much work! I've only had one good vacation in my life!" (presumably talking about the week-long getaway by herself, where I suspect she spent days with the OM) I didn't respond to that one, but was thinking, 'yes, traveling with children requires extra work. Welcome to parenthood.'
Bottom line -- For whatever reason, my W was mad today, and I certainly didn't help the matter. Everything that I did "wrong" was magnified by her tenfold. The best thing that I did though was keep cool and calm. I kept a PMA throughout and didn't bite any of the argument-bait that was left dangling in front of me throughout the day and night.
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
