Eddy, you know from Day One I have done the "Should I Stay or Should I Go" dance in my head. Apart from the legal issues, it seems clear that the best reason to stay is that it's driving my W crazy about her lack of control over what i do.
Why would I want to do soemthing that drives her crazy?
Because she is a control freak and this is not a matter of me dominating her throughout M and calling all the shots. Indeed, if anyhting, she has called the shots and I have been passive to keep her happy. I can't help but think that my leaving now would just feed the control beast who would come back looking for more. Nothing could be more clear than when I floated the thought of moving for a monthor two and coming back. Rather than asking quesiotns about that sceanrio, she immediately said in a negative tone, "What makes you think you should have the right to move back!" This is where I will not be a doormat and let her think she can push me out. About the only scenario where I could see a legal separation working is where most of our money is funneled into the kids' savings and W and I are forced to live in tight times in ways that we haven't in a long time. But even then, OM would pay her way!!!
This morning W started in again as soon as I woke up, fussing about everything. It started to get intense when she couldn't brush our D's hair and claimed it was because I did not rinse the shampoo properly (I've bathed and showered my kids since they were newborns) and that she had to do it all the time now. This led into how nothing in our kids lives would get done if she were not around and that she should leave them with me two weeks and I won't fight for custody--yada, yada, yada. When were alone, she also suggested that if I did not move out, she would move with the kids. In a bad DB response, I said that would be difficult to accomplish, but I backed off when she asked what I meant.
At Church, with the entire family, 1/2 of the homily was about M and about how we need to put our past failings aside and pledge to be better W's and H's and not allow the Devil to fill our voids with temptations such as infidelity. I just kept my mouth shut.
Later, I took all my kids to see the Islanders--my girls' first NHL game and met some old friends at the game. Although they lost to the worst team in the league, we all had a great time. I'm going to sleep in the basment again tonight (on weekends I'm always with W so kids don't see--I'm almost out of the house when they wake up on weekdays).
Once again, today, the PMA is high, but I admit havign a hard time looking at other couples right now. That's all for now.
