Last night (Mon) I spoke on phone w MIL while out for a walk on my own - just such a relief to get some support from her. Then when home MIL sent a Facebook message to my mobile and my wife saw it. So now she suspects/knows I have discussed with MIL - and W is white hot with anger.
"(Wife), I'm sorry you feel that way. But you need to understand that your mother is a grown woman, she will think and feel what she will think and feel, and you don't get to tell people how they're supposed to react to this difficult situation. As for me, I've always loved and respected your mother and I'm certainly not going to refuse her calls nor will I EVER lie to her. Please keep in mind that she is trying to support THE MARRIAGE, not necessarily you or me PERSONALLY."
(or something similar)
Try to make a distinction between friends and loved ones "choosing sides" INDIVIDUALLY (you vs. your wife), vs. them choosing to support THE MARRIAGE.
