Thank you, Rick. I've been trying not to think about the holidays, but as I see more and more Christmas stuff go up in the stores, I find my mind going in that direction more and more. I can barely make it through Wal-Mart without tearing up.
You're right about being consumed about thinking about the state of my marriage. It been months since I could think of anything else. The only thing that distracts me a bit is work, so I spend as much time as I can there. But all of the things i like to do remind me of her. The places I like to go to are the places we used to go to so I avoid them. My personal hobbies are creative ones and she was my muse (I wrote a LOT of songs about her or for her) so my pleasure in doing that had diminished greatly. I'm alone in the house we shared for 15 years, which is full of memories (I can't afford to get out or I would). Every street I drive down, everything I do, every place I go has a memory attached to it. I've tried some new things the we didn't do together, but funds are quite limited so the opportunities to do so are slim and I always end up thinking of how much more fun it would be if she were there. Plus, I don't have all that many friends at the moment (my primary hang out people become members of her family over time), so that limits some of my GAL stuff. And I know I need to GAL.
Let me toast (with coffee...it's 6am after all): a better holiday for us all.
