Need help. Jefe's even more confused pt 5

[Jefe]

I talk to my sponsor every day, but sometimes I barely hold it together it seems like. I'm probably internalizing more than I should.

You know, my wife left then 2 weeks later the transmission in her car blows up, the following week the starter & battery in my truck fail then a tire explodes. 2 weeks after that the axel on my work trailer comes apart. 4 weeks later the engine on my truck blows. While I'm in a rental my wife starts courting a new guy. My grandmother has fallen 3 times since Aug and she's not doing well. The weeks before my wife left I discoverd I have some liver issues (very minor) and some pancreatic issues, related I'm sure in part to my extensive drinking career and the poor diet I had in the past. I'm scared to death of the future of my marriage and my family. On top of that I am starting to see all the parts of my life where I have not been a very good person. And the icing on the cake is my wife is living happy and care free, going where she wants, doing what she wants, being with who she wants and is planning a big party with all her "girlfriends" like she's back in freaking high school.

Sorry her family is such a damn hindrance to her

Some days I feel like I'm holding on by a thread. and this too shall pass. God has been here for me, and honestly I probably don't deserve much more than I am getting right now.

Thank you for asking Hope, because you give me hope.