STBX came to D6s soccer game today. On the way home D6 opened up a difficult conversation by asking if he still kissed me. I did my best with an awkward explanation and then she proceeded to lecture me for 10 minutes about how I needed "to get him away from his girlfriend (Her words not mine). I kid you not, my 6 year old was doing her best to give me a major pep talk full of phrases she's picked up from the movies such as "I know he still loves you and has you in his heart" and "You can't give up hope".
I know a recurring question on this board is "Do the kids ask the WAS the same hard questions they ask the LBS" - and I've always responded - "Of course they are!". Now that its struck in my own sitch, I find myself wondering this as well.
Thursday is STBXs birthday. I know the kids will want to get him something and he didn't bother taking any pictures with him - so this afternoon, I printed up a bunch of them and I worked with both girls to make a photo album. It made them so happy, I hope he appreciates all the work they put into them.
Weekend continued to be tough. Was on the receiving end of 2 more lectures from D6, telling me that Daddy and Mommy were supposed to be together forever (she helpfully illustrated by using the good candlesticks - one for Daddy and one for Mommy). When he picked them up this morning, she was still sleeping so I warned him that he might get one too. He just shrugged of course.
Anyway - he was supposed to write up what we had agreed to for child custody- its been 4 days - and I am starting to get a little nervous about that.
Hey raliced! For what it's worth, no, I don't think the kids ask the WAS the same questions as they ask the LBS. Mine don't, anyway. My girls won't open up to their dad at all right now. I'm hoping they will someday.
And when H and I were first discussing our S agreement a couple of months ago, he made the comment that he wanted D12 and D16 to visit at the same time or "neither one of us would ever get a free weekend.". My reply was something along the lines of that my girls well-being was far more important than my social life, that I never get a "free" weekend now, and that if I never get another one, so be it. Only slightly more diplomatic. But not a lot. I don't know what entitles your STBX to think anything should be fair or mine to think that anything should be free of children.
raliced, you're doing pretty good. It would take an after school special to explain why your STBX is worried about free time/social time/time free of kids. Why he has a new definition of what's "fair".
It all comes back to the attitude of the divorcing spouse. They are searching for a freedom that they feel they have lost. So all their phrasing, all their ideas of what's "right" come back to that central thought.
And, if he thinks you are getting too good a deal, and he's getting stuck with the bill, he's likely to dig in on smaller stuff (like who takes off time to be with kids.) Decide what you want is worth fighting for and let the rest go.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Ral, i can absolutely attest to the fact that the kids don't ask the WAS questions they ask us! my S was told by W that it was none of his business. he's 8! WTF!! it's sad that every time she tells him something he wonders if she's lying to him. he will say out loud to anybody "my Daddy will never lie to me".
you are doing a great job with your kids and showing them how A)not to give up during hard times and B) unconditional love and what it looks like.
you are their role model and a damn fine one!
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
But today - I just feel exhausted with all of this.
I'm tired of worrying about divorce related details, I'm tired of worrying STBX will change his mind about what we have already agreed to, I'm tired of hearing D3 chatter about the OW, I'm tired of D6 hopefully explaining to me about how STBX and I should be together, I'm tired of dealing with house refinance, I'm tired of reassuring both sets of grandparents that the kids will be ok, I'm tired of searching for and applying for job opportunities (I'm ok now but will need to up income in the next year).......I'm just tired, even after an unusually good night sleep.
Sorry - I know this post isn't very upbeat and my PMA is MIA today. I'll dig myself out.
So - I do feel a little better this evening. Coaching soccer in the brisk fall night really made me feel refreshed. The best part was when one of the girls said to D6 "Your mom is awesome and totally hilarious". 7 year old girls have excellent taste. It reminded me that I used to be able to make STBX laugh all the time, and its been years since that was the case.
And now, I have a confession.....I don't miss STBX. The first month he was gone, I missed him a lot but I've just felt no longings for him since the revelation about his living arrangements with OW. I ache for my children when they are wth him, so I know I'm not emotionally numb. Is this just a phase, part of the rollercoaster or am I just worn out from two years of his guilt?
I still would welcome the opportunity to piece our family together (although I continue to think there is no way the D can be avoided in 6 months), but right now that is more of a rational feeling than an emotional one.
Rali, I long for the marriage that was, and for the marriage that might yet be (gotta track down those Crimson threads), but after OM was revealed, I looked forward to the day XW was out of my house.
Sounds like healthy detachment. Even tho you still want a nuclear family for your girls, and you feel that for sure, he no longer appeals to you. And why would he? The only thing attractive about my XW now is physical and the fact that she keeps me informed about ups and downs with my kids.
I do declare a step forward in your progress.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
