This is why I don't like to validate -- or more -- spouses while they're still wayward. It only fuels their sense of entitlement, at a time when they are still feeling HIGHLY entitled.
You do the selfless thing and validate your wife's complaints about your stance toward this man, and this is how she rewards you: BY PURSUING HIM, HARD.
I keep repeating myself here, but I still say THERE WILL COME A TIME, if you are fortunate, that you can make your amends towards this woman. While she is still wayward, NOW IS *NOT* THAT TIME.
