Riding the rollercoaster

[Card29]

There is an emphasis here on the LBS's role in the death of the M because that is what we can control. I would agree that an affair is not 50/50 on the WAS/LBS. The WAS is the one that doesn't communicate their pain/suffering/neglect and wrecks the family. But it is almost never about the WAS simply being a POS. I know you must still be really hurt, and I don't blame you. But I hope you're able to wake up to your own faults someday. I definitely agree that you shouldn't be married again until you do so. But even if you're never married again, if you don't learn something about yourself through this crisis, it will truly have been in vane. Maybe you do need physical separation to get to that point of introspection. You are obviously not handling the presence of your WAW very well.

Additionally, I believe that under the wrong circumstances, we are ALL capable of having A's. I don't see how anyone could learn about all of the different people, from all walks of life, that have A's and conclude that they are different than them. That is the definition of "terminally unique". Your WAW was emotionally starved and that pain caused her to do something horrible that she probably never dreamed she would do. Same thing with my W, although she didn't have an A. My W from age 19-28 would have slapped her 29 yr old self for walking out...she never even dreamed it was possible. But she was emotionally neglected, and coupled with severe depression, that caused her to act drastically. The same thing could have happened to you.

Good luck to you, dawgy. I hope you can get to a place of clarity soon because you have not been able to truly receive a lot of the advice you've been given here. Every time I check your thread, you are extremely attached instead of detached. You will not heal or learn until you do.