jim0987 #4 - strengthening my inner cat

[jim0987]

It does make sense. I don't have a good male role model for dealing with conflict. My dads style is to belittke them abd utterly destroy the other persons confidence. my older brothers is violence.

No other men in my family really.

I've friends who have a good approach to life but no idea how they deal with tense situations. So in short my only male role models are fictional characters.

I'm trying to learn the better behaviours through reading and such. And ive worked out a bit more of a plan to improve myself.

I'm doing much better at not showing frustration and resentment but like you say one moment undoes days of good work. And overall I feel less resentful but its still there just different now. Little things that bothered me before now don't and it seems weird that I got so worked up by them.

In disagreements so far the improvement has been that I walk away rather than lash back. Next step is I have to stand my ground confidently but unthreateningly

It would be much, much easier if I wasn't sad and my W was helping with this is a loving a supportive way.

Finding the balance between positive but not weak is what I'm finding hard. I've always taken my strength from either being negative, being empowered by someone else or by being right. Not the way to be happy

Its very new and unsettling to me.

And I'll be honest I still have a sizeable chunk of fear and shame going on.