Merrick,
Quote:

... but this is the same priest who advised me not to move out of the house and asked me to pray the Rosary hoping for a miracle of reconciliation.




I believe in miracles, Merrick!!! I really do! The day of my bomb, I asked H if he felt that there was a chance that he would change his mind. He said absolutely no chance. He said that he would not go to C, he would not do anything to make things work, he did not love me and never did, we made a mistake and he was absolutely set on D. HE SAID, "AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD TAKE A MIRACLE." He really said that! Merrick, this makes me misty-eyed every time I think of it. Your priest is right and miracles really do happen!

I have really ambivalent feelings about sleuthing. I am just as guilty as you in this area. You are wise to take what you have learned and use it to be a master DBer.

Remember that, whatever she says or writes about her feelings, can be transitory. She did not carve these things in stone...she merely wrote them in her journal. Her feelings can, and most likely will, change as you both go through this journey.

You have the right idea by not getting defensive about any of her perceptions. They are her reality right now and to deny them would make her pull away even more. With my H, I decided that I wasn't going to TALk him out of his feelings and perceptions. I was going to DEMONSTRATE with my behavior that things weren't as he perceived. This takes time, patience and consistent actions. She didn't acquire these perceptions overnight and she won't change them overnight either.

Armed with the knowledge that you have, you can now show her more unconditional love through validation and acknowledgement of her concerns. He will feel loved, if she feels understood.

Christine


I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!