Need help. Jefe's even more confused pt 5

[Wet]

Hi Jefe, I know you want to be a "shining light" to your W and everyone else. Do you have a timetable for continued acting like Mr. Niceguy?

One thing to weigh, is that if you are not seeing progress, perhaps going darker. Your W has the OM, your W has you being nice to her and accepting the OM. When will it be time for you to give W what she wants, with you having no relationship with her (going dark)? There will always be contact with you and your W bc of your 2 daughters. But consider using the LRT. My prayers are with you.

[Jefe]

Wet, I've had to mull this over a few times. My wife does not "have" other man. He is my D7's bio-dad, so I've had to come to accept him. No choice. And my continued animosity towards him is exactly what got me here in the first place. So, that being said, there will be time later to address my concerns with the situation. When she can hear it. But, there won't be a later if someone doesn't reach out first.

I already have NO relationship with her. She moved out, we spend very, very little time in the same space as one another, I don't call or text. About the only thing I am guilty of is answering her communication attempts to quickly/often.

So maybe I'm not understanding what your saying and please excuse me if this is coming across terse as it is not my intention.

[Shakspr]

Jefe, I just wanted to check in, and, man - it's wild around here. I'll get fully caught up and chime in soon.

I can, and will, send up some prayers for you tonight and tomorrow AM.

BioDad sounds like a biohazard. If he's got a "record" I would probably pursue some sort of official action. YMMV.

[Sotto]

"About the only thing I am guilty of is answering her communication attempts to quickly/often."

The above could be something to think about Jefe. I have thought this before from your posts - that you seem very 'responsive' to your W's texts etc.

You could consider reducing this - only responding if it concerns the girls. Keeping any responses brief & friendly, never perpetuating a TM exchange.

You seem very available to your W atm...

Just something to think about perhaps anyway Jefe....

[Jefe]

Shake, Bio-Dad is a moron, a philander, but as far as I know not a menace to society or anything like that. He just refuses to stand up and be a real man. And that's his choice. All my wife has wanted since 2007 is for my daughter and Roger to know each other because she has never met her dad and it has really affected her and I have been a d-bag about the whole thing.

Her actions are her own, but I made it real easy for stuff like this to happen. Understand, I am NOT excusing her actions. There WILL be a time and place for us to reconcile that. Until then, I need to deal with the crap and resentment in my own life that made my house so uncomfortable that my wife did not feel like she had a safe have haven to be able to share and discuss anything/everything.

Toots, I am thinking about it. Thank you for pointing it out. I am responsive, that is for sure. Just more things I need to think about.

[SunnyB]

You know the Chris Tomlin song, "Amazing Love?".

Yes, I know that song. My H played and sang it in church yesterday. I particularly enjoyed the line, "In all I do, I honor You. "

I did not sing along.

[Jefe]

So sorry, RPP. I don't see how you do it without throwing tomatoes at the stage.

[Wet]

Hi Jefe,

I'm sorry about my post. I didn't understand the whole pictures to the bio-dad thing, and spouted off when I shouldn't have. I did not mean to cause you stress. Forgive me?

[T384]

Jefe - maybe you could set a goal for yourself. If it's not an emergency then you could say you will wait 1 hour before responding and keep it limited to a short one message response?

Remember you're busy GALing and being mysterious. You don't always have your phone on you

[Jefe]

Hi Jefe,

I'm sorry about my post. I didn't understand the whole pictures to the bio-dad thing, and spouted off when I shouldn't have. I did not mean to cause you stress. Forgive me?

Absolutely, Wet. I kind of figured you were missing part of the story. No worries. Quick recap. OM1 is D7's bio-dad and my wife has been pushing for more visitation. We currently have been doing quarterly, my wife is pushing for bi-weekly, I'm hoping for something in the middle like monthly for now, and build up to more. I know it is hard to see on the surface on a message board and even though my wife has said she wasn't going to tell me where she was taking them, she has absolutely honored me on this. Until yesterday, D7 has not seen Roger since May, I believe. She was completely transparent about the entire thing. Where they were meeting, how long they would be there and even called to let me know there was a change of plans. So this builds some trust with me and it was a huge gesture on her part.

This situation has caused more stress and fights in our marriage than anything else. I think the message is clear though, Jefe needs to lighten up and let God be in control of all of this because I've been trying to control it and it ain't worked yet.

Thanks for being available for me, Wet.