MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART V

[ItHurts]

Hi Bunches! I am happy you enjoy reading my posts but I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say "things didn't take long" in my sitch" and that you feel there's "opportunity." Yes it sounds like you are hearing the same type of things I hear. That things might've turned out differently if OM didn't mess up her head and take advantage of her vulnerability, as she calls it...yet still maintains the whole "I need to clear my head."

She also didn't like that I told her that all these people who knew what that POSOM was doing should've said something to ME before it was too late. It would've started a dialogue between her and I and perhaps things would've been different. So I told her her support system of people stunk. Not one of them told you to avoid an alcholic, junkie and instead TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND! Sorry, that's kind of common sense to me. Her reply was only that OM is the one responsible for his actions and no one else.
So that was a source of contention between us during this recent conversation as well.

Here's some paraphrased quotes from WAW during this recent exchange "I'm here to fix me for ME, I'm not here to fix me for you" "I need to be in a relationship from a place of strength and confidence...if I came back to you back then it would've been out of fear and desperation and you deserved better than that and so did our marriage. I didn't have that then so I had to get away from it all so I could work on me, without anyone's expectations to distract me."
She also mentioned that she doesn't like that I am "telling" her she made a mistake. So I had to clarify that I wasn't telling her...I said it was just my opinion. That maybe I'm wrong and she'll meet some dude and have something even better than what we had. She replied to that with "What we did have was rare. I'm a raw edge these days.I'm scared and confused. I've been through hell with my emotions and i don't know what to say. I don't have the answers right now. Maybe you are right. Right now though I have to have faith that God is leading us both where we're supposed to be. So please don't be angry or bitter. I'm f*****d up! That piece of s**t (re:OM) f****d me over soooo bad and I am still trying to sort out my head. Again I'm not 100% me yet. Scare of the past, scared of the future."

So yeah, that's what I get from her. Some of what she says I get, some of it not so much. But whatever, she's going to do whatever she's going to do. It's weird, I think back to how I felt when I first started posting here and how I feel now that it's all pretty much gone down here in all my threads...since late Spring until now...from WAW and I still living together intially after the bomb to me being alone those last two months in the old apartment...to me moving...the actual divorce...and of course the Florida move...time sure has flied by here on the boards for me...even though it felt like those two months in old apartment were like 3 years!! Now it's all already gone down, with the last big thing being her move to Florida...and now that it's over it is starting to feel like "old news" if you will, which shocks me a bit. Then I think it's been almost 6 months already since the Hiroshima went off my living room one miserable Sunday.

Every now and again I still tear up, but it's at a point now where, I guess much like WAW said herself, I am leaving it in God's hands in terms of what the future brings. I really don't see us reconciling...however I really didn't see us ever getting divorced either...and you all know how that turned out.

Anyway, it's not often I can type lengthy posts like this one because I am usually on my phone now so I try and keep it short. At least you guys have some details of what WAW and I were talking about last week.
For now, as far as WAW goes...que sera sera.