KGirl con't

[KGirl]

Thank you all, again. I know I've been somewhat absent from posts lately. It's hard to give advice to other people when you don't feel like you necessarily know what to do in your own situation (and, working in a profession where you are't supposed to give advice but rather guide people to figure it out on their own, much like a counselor, makes it hard for me to do that in real life!)

Card - I am trying hard to put that out of my mind, and it's getting there. It did make me wonder if no contact actually backfired in some way, like making it seem I have no interest in him, but as you said, it seems to just be a way to deflect some of this back on me. If I had pursued him endlessly that wouldn't have made him come back either - in fact, when I did that after the beginning before I found DB, he said I wasn't respecting his decision and wasn't happy with me, either.

Part of me still does hope that something will happen before the D is final - we see it happen here often enough, even after someone has started the filing process. But I don't want to be crushed again, either. I only cried once today for a few minutes, got up and went places, actually ate food, so I was able to bounce back more quickly than in the past. What I've been repeating to myself is: this R was dead when H first told me he wanted a D back in December. This piece of paper isn't making that aspect of it any more final. Who knows what may happen in the future, D doesn't mean that things may not change, but I do know that H as he is now is not someone I really want to be with anyways. I value myself too much for that. And (this may sound awful, but I need to find some positives) making this legal will allow me to ease some of my financial pressures and will improve my life in several ways compared to being in "limbo." The payment I'll receive for him to buy the house from me could almost erase my student loan debt.

So speaking of H as he is now and not being interested in him... I found out today that a friend's H (we'll call him J) ran into my H at a restaurant on Wednesday. They each had a friend with them. According to my friend, H very casually told J, in front of their friends, that he was going to file for D this week, in a similar tone/way as if he was saying he was going to go get his car washed. When I told friend that H texted me on Friday about filing, she was astounded that H was telling people he was filing before even telling me, especially in front of other people. Eww. I think before news like that would have just crushed me. Now, sadly, it doesn't really surprise me, nor does it matter very much. I was a little tempted to call him out on it, but it serves me no purpose. Friend said "I know you want this to work, but honestly, he is so not worth your time. You are so much better than this. He doesn't deserve you." I don't want all of those thoughts to prevent me from working on myself, because it's easy to say "It's all him, he's just a jerk!" but I've been doing the work and I think I've acknowledged the things that are valid, while tossing the things he said that aren't.

In IC this week I'm going to focus on letting go of my anger and sadness over a few specific things that are holding me back (what H did above, and some things that are more about what other people will think/disappointing people than being disappointed in myself). And, how to go about grieving effectively rather than avoiding it because "H may come back, so I don't need to grieve! I can do that later!"