Need help. Jefe's even more confused pt 5

[Hope414]

Jefe,

I am very proud of you. I know how hard it was to do this. Especially after the events of the last couple of days.

It shows genuine growth.

Keep in mind the way to judge if you are engaging in a 180 is it should be extremely uncomfortable because the behavior is literally the exact opposite of your familiar.

I think you found a 180 tonight.

Congratulations.

[Jefe]

Wife just called to let me know that instead of meeting them at the park they were invited to his house with his girlfriend and family to have a cookout. Whether or not it SHOULD bother me is another question. But it tears at me deeply. I was pleasant and offered no opinion about it and just acknowledged the information and kept a positive outward attitude.

We both went to church today but she did a good job of avoiding me because I never saw her. But my pastor did say she was in his 9:30 class. It wanted to make sure that was okay with me because he wanted to assure me that the church was supporting me.

Negative, worst case, thoughts running through my head all morning. Praying for clarity.

Can't wait for the girls to come home, we're going to the carnival this evening.

[FunDad]

Hey, at least she's still going to church. My W stopped going a couple of years ago. Don't let your imagination run off from you on the negative thoughts. You always have choice on what your mind spends its meditating on.

FD

[Jefe]

Thank you FD.

She dropped the girls off and left pretty quickly. She said that Roger said "Thank you" for the photos.

Nothing else to say.

[Hope414]

Hi Jefe,

Keep in mind that your wife was invited to be a part of Roger's home and to be a part of Roger's family. Roger was not invited to your wife's home to be a part or your wife's family.

There is a huge difference.

Roger's girlfriend was the alpha female at the gathering. I don't think a clearer message could be sent on where your wife ranks in the family dynamic with Roger.

Now, whether it should bother you or not...yes...this is difficult. In a perfect world you would have been invited to the cookout. But you are making the first gesture toward bridging the gap between you and Roger.

Keep in mind, Roger's girlfriend doesn't have a horse in this race and it serves no benefit to her if you and Roger are kept apart. Sometimes our marital allies come from unusual places.

Although you probably don't want to attend cookouts with Roger and his girlfriend it is nice to be invited. Maybe the photo's you sent have begun to pave the way to invitations later on.

[Jefe]

I think someday I could possible attend a cook out but until we deal with the messaging issue I don't think I could be in the same room with Roger.

[Hope414]

If I were you I don't think I would want to be in the same city as Roger. Roger does not appear to be a very nice person.

My point was--it is nice to be on the guest list. And it is helpful to have Roger's girlfriend as your ally.

[Jefe]

In hindsight, I'm glad that they went to the house as there was a bunch of people there making in much safer for my comfort.

You know, Hope. All I want is some respect. I have been a lousy husband at times but I love these girls, they are both daddy's girls, and I take damn good care of them.

Roger has 4 kids with his GF and STILL wont marry her. He posts some of the trashiest, women degrading, garbage on his FB page. Like I told my wife the night this went down, I HAVE to share my daughter with him, I refuse to share my wife. I don't want villanize him, but I have reasons I don't like the guy.

And, no. I have a lot of resentment with Roger. Being in the same city is not pleasant. But I love my wife and daughter....and him...enough to deal with it as best I have to.

[Jefe]

BTW, I would also like to mention that Daddy SHOULD NOT have gotten on the Tilt-A-Whirl tonight. What in blazes was I thinking?

[Hope414]

I agree with your assessment of Roger. I cannot comment about his other relationships but I can say he had no right sexting your wife.

I also agree your wife completely disrespected you and your marriage when she engaged in the inappropriate sexting with Roger.

I admire how you have handled all of this. Men with daughters should be untarnished examples of how men should respect women.

I think you are providing a remarkable example to your daughters on the level of commitment they should demand from the man they marry.