Having a rough day today. Today is H's birthday and it feels so strange (bad) to not feel welcome to celebrate it with him. I had the kids send him handmade birthday cards this week, he hasn't acknowledged them. I think I'll let them call him to wish him a happy birthday tonight. They will likely get his voicemail but there's nothing I can do about that.
Went to church this morning and had a beautiful moment while singing a song that I love so, my S3 crawled into my arms and buried his sweet head into my neck and then my D5 scooted over to love on me too, I began to cry from the emotion of it all. Moments like that make me so grateful for what I have but also so sad for what H is missing.
Going to try to focus on me this week. Some days are so, so hard. I try to tell myself that I am still very early into this but I still feel like a failure when I wallow in the sadness of it all some days.
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
