Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD

[gogofo]

So the W and I had a text message session late tonight. I will post it below for comments and analysis and 2x4s as needed.

I was trying to validate and not push or pursue, but it seemed like she wanted me to offer solutions, kind of. Let me have it.

W: I can't understand why I wasn't worth the effort before?
M: You were always worth the effort, I know it didn't feel that was before.

W: I'm just so sad and angry. The kids, anniversary, holidays everything hurts
M: I know that this month holds a lot of pain and difficult memories for you. I am sad that you are feeling this way.

W: I don't know how to feel better
M: I can see how all of this could have you (feeling) that way

W: Never mind. I need to go to sleep. I don't want you just to agree with everything I say. I'm an idiot
M: I am not just agreeing. I just don't know what to do either. I am concerned about how you feel, but my last idea pushed us too fast. I feel the exercises we tried pushed us and brought up painful memories. It did the opposite of what I thought it would do for us and our relationship. We were doing good when we were setting out own pace.

W: I feel like everything is always on your terms. Maybe that's because I don't make any
M: I am not sure what you mean?

W: I don't know. That exercise was awful. I looked through it and couldn't see getting through it. It shouldn't be this hard
M: When doing day two I felt awful about myself

W: I don't want us to feel awful. I want to be happy someday. For long periods of time, not for moments.
M: I want the same thing, I feel we both want a lot of the same things. I feel we do well when just being in the moment and doing us.

W: We have no time for moments. I want you to convince me that things can be different instead of saying it and you want me to hug you and kiss you and tell you it's going to be alright and at the end of the day neither of us gets what we want
M: I am focused on changing myself and bringing that person to our relationship. I know that I also need to build affection between us before the hugs and kisses. Among other things I have learned about myself and changing. I know convincing comes from showing change for sustained time and it also builds trust. But I also know these are just words right now.