FY I've been sharing with lots of folks that you have the hookup to super duper extra large DB shovels with Kevlar hand grips You might need to place some extra orders for us all!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Michele tells us we will need plenty of patience if we intend to see our M outlast our spouses MLC. The vets here remind us the same thing every day. So what can we do to dig up some more patience when we really need it?
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Like any normal person in a strained M for almost 3 years, I sometimes want to toss in the towel. Then I remind myself that my W is going through a very difficult period in her life. She is doing the best she can. I want to give her my best. Stand by her for as long as I can because she is worth it. Maybe you feel the same way about your spouse.
After all my W and I have had together, after all we've been through together, it seems silly to throw it all away and start over. I truly believe that when we make it through this, we will have something even more special. Something that takes years and trials to achieve. A Mature Love.
In many ways, we already do have this! I just need to not give up on it.
I explained the above in a discussion with my DB friend Raine. Here are a few highlights...
Originally Posted By: Raine
See, there you have it. You know what you want and the wait will be worth it. Sometimes it's working through the other side of things to figure it out. You can be happy anywhere, in any situation.
Originally Posted By: FY
Basically, I want to help others like me who are tired, but don't want to give up. Marriages are worth saving!
Yes they are. I'm so glad that I saved mine. There is a lot to deal with, but there would be so much more, and so much worse to deal with otherwise. And I just don't think there is any guy out there that even measures up, as crazy as that sounds with what he did. I would still pick him every day.
I believe happiness comes down to perspective more than circumstance. To a large extent, we decide how happy or unhappy we are, no matter what is going on in our life. Read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" for more regarding this.
DB teaches us to live our life for us. Make any changes for us. Get a Life outside of the old relationship. Find our own meaning and purpose. If we do this properly, how can we go wrong?
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 11/09/1405:08 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I had a similar conversation with reachingHigher. She told me her and TVS were recently discussing how long this takes...
Originally Posted By: reachingHigher
I'm still amazed we are back together! And not just together in the same M, but totally in love and connected in all ways--mentally, physically, socially, emotionally--connected in goals and dreams as well but letting each other retain our individuality.
So I guess we are finishing a second year of reconciliation. And I can tell you, FY, it is good. Really good. I am SO glad I stayed through all the pain and B.S.
So, hang in there, thanks for your message.
Thank you RH and Raine, for giving us more reasons to be patient.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 11/09/1405:25 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY .. I follow your sitch .. and the things you post are inspirational. I feel the same as you .. looking towards what can be and what I want more than looking at the present. Hope ... its amazing how just a little can fuel a person for more than you would imagine. Its all I need here and there... just a glimpse of hope.
FY- catching up on your sitch. I just want to say that the way you are handling this with such a great attitude is an inspiration. I hope to be there one day. Thank you for this thread.
Me- 40 H- 41 S8, D5, S4 M 19 y T 23 Bomb drop 6/2013 H asked for/filed for D 9/2014 22 yo OW discovered 9/19/14 they're engaged and living together
Thanks, Cali. The key to me is finding a way to make the most of every day, right where we are. We only have XX,XXX amount of days... gotta enjoy each one! If we're not enjoying our days, we need to make adjustments.
We can't afford to get attached to any outcome. We need to know we will be good no matter what happens.
I feel I NEED to see what is on the other side of W's crisis. Our long term M deserves that. The plan right now is to still be there when she finally gets through this. The only way to do that is to care for myself... oh, and not bail!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY- catching up on your sitch. I just want to say that the way you are handling this with such a great attitude is an inspiration. I hope to be there one day. Thank you for this thread.
You will. Be patient with yourself, this stuff hurts and takes time to get through. Most of all know that you will be ok. Better than ok!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I feel I NEED to see what is on the other side of W's crisis. Our long term M deserves that. The plan right now is to still be there when she finally gets through this. The only way to do that is to care for myself... oh, and not bail!
If your W decided she just didn't want the M anymore, and moved out, and wanted a D, and you actually got D, would you still "need" to see what's on the other side?
Curious...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I feel I NEED to see what is on the other side of W's crisis. Our long term M deserves that. The plan right now is to still be there when she finally gets through this. The only way to do that is to care for myself... oh, and not bail!
If your W decided she just didn't want the M anymore, and moved out, and wanted a D, and you actually got D, would you still "need" to see what's on the other side?
Curious...
Thanks for dropping by, T!
To some extent I imagine I still would. I would still have feelings for my W. But since I've never been in that situation, and at this point HER leaving or D'ing seems highly unlikely, I really don't think I could say. Who knows? What says you? (and everyone else)
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 11/12/1401:04 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
If a MLC takes years to work through, isn't there bound to be some stagnation in there? What with the whole "we can't fix 'em" and all?
You asked me this question on Cali's thread and I'd like to respond.
Getting a different response is not fixing them, and my thoughts on changing things only apply if you can no longer handle the status quo/stagnation of the situation.
A different response can be anything from them being a little nicer to them not involving you in their drama...whatever YOU need to make it for as long as you can through their MLC.
This whole MLC trip your involvement, lasts only as long as you are willing to be a part of it.
Did that make any sense?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
