Seperated and completely lost

[lost18]

hey John, thanks for stopping by my thread. Just read thru your posts and the thing that stood out to me is the difference you see in your past than your W. Remember everybody has their own perception of reality. I believe it was 25 who wrote about a trip she was on with her H, luckily I saved it so I can share with you:

So, no "why's and How's" if it's about a choice they made/are making.

They don't help US. Also, there are times in these ordeals that a WAS/MLCer will say something that revises the marital history AND OR

reveals how THEY viewed an event. It's not the same thing. Sometimes the same event really is experienced very differently.

EXAMPLE: I've been in the car with h/family on a long trip. One afternoon of it we drove up into the Pacific NW. I was the passenger, he drove.

For h the trip was stressful driving,worrying about some fires, and the traffic was heavy at times.

The kids were either sleeping or discussing their musical tastes, which is not of great interest to H or me.

FOR ME, the scenery was breath taking. I read aloud to h, which he requested I do.
But we had really different feelings when the drive was over.

Same drive, different experience.

I'm pretty sure many of us have had these same thoughts, perfect example for me is our family trip the summer before BD. I had a lot of fun, he said it "was ok." In retrospect he may have already been "talking" to other women, not sure.

I guess my point is, don't focus on what she is saying, doing, thinking or her rewriting of the past. Focus on you, moving forward, making yourself happy. And because I'm much better at giving advice than taking it, don't beat yourself up with all the questions (as 25 said why's and how's). You may never get the answer to those questions and if you ever do it will be a long, long time from now.