Thank you so very much, everyone. The support from you all on this board is such a comfort. Waking up, pouring my coffee, and checking in with so many new friends that I wouldn't have otherwise had, were it not for a painful mess. Yet another gift that arises from the hurt.

What a couple of weeks it has been.

Things are still processing in my head. So much change. Not necessarily bad change. Just not what I asked for.

Sometimes, instead of what we want, we get what we need. Thanks for reminding me of that, Mick Jagger.

This new life is beginning to unravel piece by piece.

My job is keeping me extremely focused and busy during the day. It is not stressful in the least. It's new, and there are TONS of messes for me to go in and fix.

FINALLY I have something I can fix. I am loving it all.

I work for some incredible people, who hired me not only because I'm qualified, but because I'm different. They don't expect me or want me to fit into some preconceived box.

My boss told me that he wanted to change my job title, since he was adding some more duties to my plate this week. He asked me if I wanted X title, or Y title.

In true "me" fashion, a bit of humor seeped into my answer. The following words actually came out of my mouth.

"I have no preference. If my title states 'Walmart Greeter', I will still do the same job for you. A title doesn't change that." I smiled and added, "I know who I am."

My boss smiled back and said, "Yes, you do, don't you?"

He then explained he is the same way. He went on to explain that the reason for the title clarification is because some new duties involve interacting with other satellite offices. The suggested title will help convey the importance of my communication to them.

Oohh! Good idea. Now I get it.

Part of me feels they are intrigued and slightly amused by my openness and honesty, and that I don't pretend to be something I think they want. I did that in my last job. I didn't like me so much then.

My boss told me it was "refreshing", having someone like me. That's a pretty cool thing to hear.

I still catch myself falling into old patterns of second guessing, self doubt, the beating myself up. I now stop, get up, and walk. Go to the kitchen, ladies room, outside....change my scenery and give myself a pep talk. I found that if I interrupt that stuff, it doesn't grow as big.

I like me. I've become quite protective of that. I don't want to lose me again.