I've been carefully reading over Sandi2's 37 rules (thank you for putting those together, Sandi2)and I keep coming back to #32 (Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.) a lot.
This, from my wife, has been something that has troubled me greatly. She has gone through great lengths to re-write our history, claiming she doesn't remember any good times between us or making negatives out of things that should be positives. In my original post, I pointed out how she made me out to be a 'bad guy' in a FB post even though it was an untruth.
I'm not trying to throw blame on her for dwelling on this, but I am trying to understand why a person who chooses to separate from some one who doesn't would need to go through such mental gymnastics. Maybe its explained in the books (I'm still waiting for them to come in the mail), but I just don't understand it.
Is this demonization an alleviation of guilt? Does it stem from anger or hate? Does it mean that the person was simply untrustworthy to begin with or is just a state they find themselves in? Is this a part of the unjustified (in my mind at least) 'wall of anger' I have come up against since she left?
Her actions along this line have hurt me greatly, and they are very hard to simply ignore (although I'm trying)and I'm just trying to understand where its coming from. Is trying to find rational reasons for irrational actions a lost cause?
