Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

Having another awesome weekend with the kids this W/E!!.. Lots of fishing, swimming and playing done today!!.. It's sure good GAL, and I love spending time with them!!.. They are currently out playing with the dog (he has been around their whole lives(, and to hear the laughing and barking is heartwarming to say the least!!..They have also found themselves a pet lizard (only a baby one) which made their day, along with the fish they caught!!)..

I've got to say, I'm beginning to find W a bit hard to read lately.. I found out today that she has started "socially" smoking after quitting them almost 3 years ago.. It is a bit of a shock to say the least.. I know this is none of my business, but could it be the stress of everything weighing on her and it may be her release??.. There has also been the alcohol usage as I mentioned previously as well, so the 2 together makes me think..

W rang to speak to the kids as she does when I have them, and I asked about the smoking.. She admitted that she was, and seemed a little embarrassed about it.. I didn't judge as I am a smoker myself, but I mentioned that myself along with a lot of other people were proud of her when she quit, and why backtrack on 3 years good work..

Anyway, another "hard to read" part was when we were having a light talk about nothing in particular and she said that she only rang to talk to the kids.. I said "Ok, well I'll let you go, and have a good night" (it seemed like the end of the chat to me).. She continued to want to talk, but it was in the sense of "Oh, I forgot what I was going to say" and then I'd jog her memory and the story would go on.. This happened 4-5 times..

It seemed like she was wanting me to stay on the phone, but told me moments before that she only rang to talk to the kids.. She seems pretty up and down in closeness too.. Mindreading here maybe, but some days it is almost like she is going to say "lets get back together", and then others it is pretty much "this is it".. I'm trying not to get dragged in to it, and I am getting better over time.. I'm also trying to not outwardly show any signs of the up/down getting to me, but after all these years she knows my looks and tone of my voice..

Is the indecision (for want of a better word) I am seeing/feeling from her usual in my sitch, or is it a sign that she is having second thoughts, or is it nothing??..

Can someone shed some helpful thoughts on this for me??.. Sandi, Bond, 25, Cadet??.. Anyone??..