Really too late....

[lost18]

Not much new in my situation. Just trying to back off some...instead of sitting on the couch and watching tv w/him I've been going in my room and reading. Not all of the the time and not being cold in anyway...just giving myself some space. He continues to make comments about "what I should do" referring to the house, so I've tested the waters a bit but did not get a positive response. Part of the reason I decided to back off some.

Earlier in the week we had brought our boat to my friends marina to have some work done. On the way home I asked if he minded stopping at the home improvement store so we did. I was really hungry but decided that I wasn't going to suggest stopping for lunch, but he did.

There seem to be many positives right now but know I still have a lot of work to do. Still having a hard time detaching, have been doing a lot of self-talk and thought stopping to try to work thru that.

Tonight he took D13 to practice as I play ball on Friday nights. I asked my friend if she wants to go kayaking this weekend and also have a party to go to on Saturday night. I will extend the invite to him but plan on going at least for a couple of hours. Still working on GAL!

I've definitely been riding my self-made roller coaster lately. We've been getting along well, not just tolerating each other or being friendly. We spend time together and have conversations (no R talks at all!) and laugh and have a good time, at least from my perspective. He doesn't avoid being alone with me, he could easily choose to not be around me, particularly when the kids aren't home but doesn't.

There are times when I wonder WTF am I doing? Is this really what I want? I feel I've changed, still have lots to work on, but my my attitude change has been big...but he hasn't, nor does he think he needs to (mind reading maybe). Of course he has made no indication that he DOESN'T want a D but had made no move toward getting a D. When we separated 10 years ago there was internet/EA and now he's doing the same thing again.

I've made the decision that I want to save my marriage, and for now I'm going to continue down that path, I just wonder how much longer I will be able to do this.

Thanks to everybody here for sharing your stories and the advice you give, not necessarily on my thread but on others. Especially labug, 25, Sandi and Mr.Bond. I always search the threads for your words of wisdom and it always helps knock me back into reality, especially on the timeline!