Have you finished the Divorce Remedy yet? If so, read the book about love languages.
If your W wants affection......but not too keen about it leading to sex, then I have a few suggestions. You do realize that sex for her does not necessarily mean affection? I know a couple that had that problem. She wanted the kisses, hugs, cuddling, etc., but it made her upset that it always led to sex.....for him. So she stopped showing any affection. Then he accused her of being cold. It was a problem that nearly led to D. A lack of understanding in our mate's needs can be a huge problem that can make us feel lonely and sad. You may have held resentment about the sexual side to it, while she resented that it had to lead to sex. Have either of you thought about counseling for that specific problem?
What you said today about how you made her feel during sex suggests that she felt very disrespected instead of feeling cherished. Sorry if you've already mentioned this, but do have a porn addiction?
How respectful are you in your interactions with her? How about when the two of you are around others? Ever make her the butt of your jokes? Put her down? Talk disrespectfully to her while in front of others? Maybe not in your viewpoint, but hers? There are many little things (in the opinion of the man) that are extremely hurtful to a sensitive lady. If she has low self-esteem, this type of behavior from her H can lead to major problems in the MR, but she feels devalued by the one who should treasure her the most. Examine this closesly and see how you rate.
In order to reach the level of reconciliation, I believe you have to start over with your R with a WAW. For now, you need to go back to the stage of not being intimate and just be polite and curteous in your interactions. Think of her, or treat her, much like you would treat her if she were a boarder in your home. Not a young, sexy woman you want to hit on, but a lady you respect very much. Maybe even an older woman (if that will help). Practice speaking and having courteous manners. Do nothing that puts pressure or expectations on her. Btw, if you still share the bed, that's okay, just don't initiate anything.
After you do this for a while, you can slowly incorporate some non-sexual touches. Hand on her shoulder, pat on the back, hand in small of her back, etc. If you feel her resistance, then stop doing it, but if she doesn't then you slowly (very slowly) begin to work in some affectionate touches (not sexual), just tender, sweet touches. This takes time. Not just a few days. And during this period of time, you are working on the other areas of the R.
The 37 rules are to help you see how to pull back. But hopefully, you won't have to remain there forever. It is to help you detach and to give her space. As the R begins to heal, little by little these will dissolve. But again, it does take time to get there.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
