This is where I break with the group. Please refer back to previous discussions we had on the topic of money. We suspected your wife had a problem about your employment situation. We suspected financial insecurity was an issue for her.
Now it has been confirmed.
Instead of feeling relief that your suspicions were confirmed you attacked your wife.
I believe you attacked because you were upset. I believe you were upset because you allowed your mind wander into dangerous territory.
Let’s reset and go back in time.
How do you think you might have reacted if you would have had this conversation with your wife on 10-14-14?
Would you have permitted her to speak? Would you have encouraged her to express her fears? If you would have had different listening skills on 10-14-14—why? What made your listening skills different today?
Also, what steps are you taking to change your financial situation? You said you were going to make changes. Did you? I’m not judging but you said you felt you should make changes. You felt this was in your family’s best interest. Have you changed you mind? If not, what are you doing? And why didn’t you share this information with your wife?
I strongly disagree with things your wife did. She has an equal role in the destruction of your marriage. But she was not operating in a vacuum. You have culpability. And I admire you for recognizing this.
I told you a while back your greatest asset is your heart and your capacity for love and forgiveness. But your greatest liability is the need to be vindicated when you believe you have been wronged.
This time you embraced your liability and it caused you to ignore an open door.
When people are facing divorce there are very few open doors. You do not have the luxury of shutting them.
