I agree on your first point..."can I incrementally just come back to the M and the family?" I suspect that she ended things with the OM but not in the right way (i.e. write a letter of NC, change her phone #, etc.).
I mentioned to her on our call earlier this week that I want the letter of NC. I don't recall her exact response, but it was something along the lines of "ok if that is what you need."
Do I push for it this weekend? Or just let it sit for a while?
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed